Introverts, this is for you.
I get it. New people are scary. Talking to new people? You gotta be kidding me. What do I say? What will this person think of me? How do those people seem so comfortable? I look stupid. These people see right through me. I think I’m leaving.
As an introvert, I know you need a plan. You can do this. Here it is.
First, don’t leave. At least not yet. Your plan is very simple — Get one single conversation started. That’s step one. We’ll talk about step two later. In fact, don’t even think about that right now.
To start a conversation, do this:
Scan the scene (that’s your thing, anyway, right?) Find the people that look friendly. Don’t think about that too much. Yes, this is pure “book by its cover” and “window dressing,” which goes against everything you believe in. It’s OK right now. Push through.
Try to make eye contact with someone physically close to you. Walk around if you need to. Smile once you make eye contact (most likely by accident). If they smile back and hold your gaze for even a fraction of a second, simply say, “Hi, I’m <name>.”
Pause there. If they engage, keep smiling. If they don’t, simply move on. Do it again until someone reciprocates. Yeah, it feels terrible.
The very next thing you say is something like (pick what feels comfortable):
- “So what’s your story?”
- “Tell me about what you do?”
- “Tell me about your business?”
That’s it. You’ve passed the baton to them, and now you’re already more comfortable because they are talking, not you.
Never lead with these:
- “I hate these things.”
- “Don’t you hate these things?”
- “What brings you here?”
- “My business is… [prepared speech]”
The “do this” and “never do this” above are about power and energy. You want/need to be at least on equal power ground with the extroverts bubbling over with the energy gleaned from the room. Getting them talking gets you responding. You’re good at responding and then volleying back. The “nevers” start you out on a lower rung of the power ladder. It’s hard to regain equilibrium.
Stay tuned for the next installment…
