112 Proverbs for My High School Graduate Self

Bite-sized Chunks of Wisdom I Wish Someone Had Told Me at 17

We’re on the cusp of the empty nest, and it has me reflecting.

Our youngest son is about to graduate from high school and enter college, so my wife and I are trying to savor all of the little moments we get to spend with him as this transition occurs. 

For the last year, one of our great joys has been taking walks with him — almost every day. The best part of these walks is the conversation. We mostly listen, but sometimes we have opportunities to inject little anecdotes and pieces of advice. However, we try to be mindful of piling on a heap of “when I was your age…” stories and anecdotes.

I’m not particularly adept at the intricacies of this type of conversation. When I try to introduce a topic or provide some unsolicited advice, I mostly come across as a finger-wagging curmudgeon imploring the young whipper-snappers to get off my lawn. The reaction is a well-deserved, eye-rolling tune-out. 

But as we near the time of his departure, I find myself reflecting not only on his impending leap into adulthood but my own leap into adulthood 30-some years ago. 

What advice would I give my 17-year old self as I embarked as a shy and self-conscious high school graduate? What do I wish I would have known? What do I wish someone would have told me? What did I have wrong in my thinking or worldview at the time? What was I naive about?

As a fan and practitioner of personal development, one of my favorite texts is the book of Proverbs from the Bible. I love the message, of course, but I also love the style. Meaningful bits of wisdom wrapped into bite-sized chunks. Easily consumed and easily understood. I wanted to provide that kind of advice for my younger self.

So here is my set of proverbs for my 17-hear old self. Some of it is practical, and some of it is philosophical, but all of it is what I wish I knew when graduating from high school, updated a bit to include modern technology.

It’s a collection of things I’ve experienced, learned, or have seen play out in my life. Knowing these things beforehand would have helped me in some way. You may recognize some of these anecdotes, as many are not original. In such cases, I’m not intentionally stealing; I’m just ignorant as to the source. 

Proverbs

1. The same old mistakes form the walls of your prison. New mistakes pave the highway stretched out before you that disappears on the horizon. That highway isn’t straight — it’s got curves, potholes, hills, and valleys — but it’s the best and only way forward. 
2. Nobody cares about what kind of car you drive, but just about everybody needs a ride.
3. Guard your sleep with your life.
4. Guard your attention with your life.
5. It’s OK to use social media, but it’s a slippery and steep slope to social media using you. 
6. You do not need to know what is happening, everywhere, all the time.
7. Technology is constantly trying to gamify your life. Your life is not a game. 
8. Turn all notifications off. Don’t let your devices control you. 
9. Sleep as far away from your phone as possible. If you need an alarm clock, get an alarm clock. If you like to read in bed, read a book.
10. Your memory is terrible. Be careful using your memory as the hill to die on.
11. Know and remember where you saved the file and the name you gave it.
12. Use a password manager.
13. Have a single place to keep the important items you need every day, such as your keys, ID, wallet, phone, etc. When you walk into your dorm room/house/apartment/office, always put them in that spot. 99% of lost items are not lost so much as they are not in their spot.
14. Writing something down by hand is the best way to remember it; typing is 2nd; dictation 3rd; taking a photo 4th.
15. Anything that arrives in the snail mail with the word IMPORTANT stamped on it is not. 
16. Be interested more often than interesting, especially in conversation.
17. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
18. It is rarely someone else’s fault, but even if it is, don’t act like it. 
19. Never be the “I told you so” guy.
20. The one who gets ahead is the one who takes responsibility, especially for the failures. 
21. More does not automatically equal value. Cheap does not automatically equal value. Expensive does not automatically equal better. Popular does not automatically equal better. Everybody has their own sense of value.
22. It’s always cheaper to fix your car than buy another.
23. Real estate agents, mortgage brokers, and car salesmen do not have your best interests in mind. You decide what you can afford, not them. 
24. Color outside the lines. Walk on the curb. Run with scissors. Drive fast and take chances. Not all the time, but sometimes.
25. “Safety first” is over-used, sometimes a cop-out, and shouldn’t be applied in all situations. The world you live in today is many times safer than the last generation. It’s OK to talk to strangers. Older cars are not death traps. Not every white, non-descript van is occupied by a serial killer. Is there a chance that something bad can happen? Of course, but that’s not a reason not to live. Don’t let the dogma of safetyism keep you from living. 
26. Most people let fear govern their life. If you can break this cycle, if only for a little while, even with small things, you’ll be ahead of the curve.
27. Always assume the other person doesn’t mean harm and that you misunderstood. The benefit of the doubt is a powerful and empathic tool for interpersonal communication and leadership.
28. Walking around offended by everything leads to a miserable existence. 
29. If shit hits the fan at the national or global level, you’re gonna want to latch on to the guy with the pickup truck and toolbox in the bed, not the guy with the fancy watch and Tesla. 
30. Ideology of any kind can be both helpful and harmful.
31. Existential experience is rarely on par with social and traditional media’s portrayal of life. Beware of hyperbole in both directions.
32. If you ever find yourself thinking, “How can I make myself look more like the filter makes me look,” immediately throw your phone into the lake, river, or mouth of the volcano.
33. Less screen. More IRL.
34. Professionals play hurt.
35. Follow the money, power, or status.
36. Learning how to recognize, confer, and use status is a superpower. 
37. Your past, present, and future are a collection of stories. Stories are about emotions, not facts. Tell yourself the right story. 
38. Each morning the sun comes up, and a new day starts. Whatever happened yesterday is in the past and part of your story. 
39. Great stories rarely start with, “I was sitting at home…”
40. No one has “no regrets.” The goal isn’t to have no regrets. The goal is to grow from those regrets. 
41. The proper lesson learned from failures and regrets is rarely “I’ll never do that again.” The proper lesson is usually, “This is what I’ll do different next time.” There are some important exceptions, of course. 
42. You are a work in progress, and so is everyone you meet. You both are hiding something, and you both are hypocrites. Think long and hard before casting the first stone or pointing out the speck in your brother’s eye.
43. You don’t deserve anything beyond human dignity and love. Everything else is earned, luck (Providence?), or more likely, a combination of the two. Don’t let marketers, activists, or politicians convince you otherwise. 
44. Ask yourself, “If I get everything I could possibly want (social, material, professional, political, etc…everything), what will I do tomorrow when I wake up?” You should have an answer.
45. The purpose of activism is to effect change. It’s not to “be an activist.”
46. Don’t entertain buyer’s remorse. Buy the thing or don’t buy the thing. Once you decide, move forward. 
47. Trust but verify.
48. Find the 3rd side to the argument. 
49. Science is not a religion. It is a quest for knowledge. You can’t “believe or not believe” in science. Science has no dog in the fight. Scientists (and experts) own, love, and care for the dogs in the fight. 
50. Always take a lunch break, preferably doing something physical.
51. Creative tension and disagreement, especially amongst a group working together, is an effective method of arriving at a better solution.
52. The best coaches were rarely the best players. Many times, the best coaches weren’t even high-level players. Most groups need both.
53. Diversity creates better community, better people, and better solutions. Seek out the voices of those who disagree with you, or have a different perspective. Never surround yourself with “yes” men. Ask for honest feedback, assess that feedback, and apply the lessons earnestly. Differences are so much more interesting, enlightening, and useful than similarities.
54. Listen to your recorded voice and watch yourself on video. Muscle through it. It’s the best way to improve how you come across. 
55. Consensus does not equal truth.
56. Don’t be snowed by credentials. 
57. Complex problems rarely have simple solutions. People shouting simple solutions (especially in 280 characters or less) rarely deserve your attention.
58. In contrast, however, simple explanations are the best method for getting your point across and building influence. Use language, analogies, and concepts easily understood by your audience. Simple explanations are not the same thing as simple solutions. 
59. You are an independent, free, sentient being. Act like it.
60. Always be willing to question your closest held beliefs and truths.
61. Curiosity and a desire to explore keep you feeling young and make you more valuable.
62. Happiness is a choice.
63. The antidote to outer turmoil is inner peace. Prioritize something that brings you inner peace each day. 
64. Even introverts need community. Especially introverts.
65. One of the most liberating moments in your life is the moment you realize that you control your time.
66. You are never too busy for a child with a question, a spouse that needs attention, a friend that needs support, or a coworker that needs help.
67. Never underestimate those that work with their hands.
68. Delaying gratification is almost always the better choice. 
69. Not all communication needs to be conducted in real-time.
70. You don’t need more storage space. You need less stuff.
71. The cost of convenience, accessibility, and speed is privacy.
72. Speed has another cost — accuracy.
73. Legacy doesn’t require a name on a building, trust fund, or memorial park bench. Legacy is the effect you’ve had on your family, friends, colleagues, and community. You can build your legacy at any age. 
74. For some things, you need perseverance. Others you should quit sooner. Invest in knowing the difference. 
75. When deciding on a career or business path, look at those who are at the top, ahead of you, or having success in the position you aspire to. Ask yourself if you’d like to spend your day the way they do. If not, move on to something else, or change your aspirations. 
76. It’s OK if you have a vocation that doesn’t feel like your life’s purpose. Working to live rather than living to work is a perfectly fine approach to life, regardless of what life coaches, social entrepreneurs, and artists will tell you. However, if you can’t find any joy in what you do for a living, it’s time to find a new path. 
77. Follow your passion is lousy advice. Instead, always, in everything you do, bring your passion with you. 
78. You are creative. You may not be creative in the traditional art sense (painting, music, writing, etc.), but you are creative. Your creativity may best be applied to problem-solving, service, leadership, fixing things, or anything else. There can be art in anything you do. 
79. Breadth will make you valuable. Depth will make you money.
80. Do things that make you feel like an imposter. The imposter syndrome indicates that you are forging new ground (for you).
81. Argue, think, and create from first principles. Get closer to the raw data, source, and rock bottom. 
82. Practice being uncomfortable when the stakes are low because someday, the stakes will be high. 
83. Although mental health and chronic stress are issues to be concerned about, seek out eustress. Learning to think clearly and operate under stress is a superpower.
84. Those looking to the system to provide answers, meaning, and security will always be subject to those who are out there building the system.
85. Don’t wait till you’re ready. The best time to get started was yesterday. Today is the second best time.
86. The best method for learning about a subject is to write about it or try to teach it to someone else. Be the person in the group who tries to help others understand it. 
87. Produce a lot more than you consume.
88. Get outside and run around, not for exercise, but for the joy that comes from the connection to your inner child. 
89. Train for performance, not aesthetics. Get harder to kill every day.
90. What you do every day matters more than what you do occasionally.
91. Use your environment to augment your willpower. Increase friction for bad habits and decrease friction for good ones. 
92. Allow yourself the freedom to wander physically, intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. 
93. The smell test (in academic circles known as Occam’s razor, and in kindergarten known as “if it walks like a duck, sounds like a duck…”) is a great test of practical truth. It’s not always correct but is always worth investigating. 
94. You don’t have a time management problem. You have a time priority problem. 
95. It doesn’t pay to be dumb unless you show it.
96. Academic success in college has nothing to do with grades. It means you’ve learned, received, and figured out what you need to be a contributing member of society.
97. Get to know your professors and advisor. Just because the syllabus or program curriculum says it’s so doesn’t mean it has to be. Someone always has the power to bend the rules, create new rules, or help you navigate through the side door. None of it happens unless you open your mouth. 
98. Text books are over-priced and worthless once the class is over. No, you won’t ever look at them again. Beg, borrow, rent, copy, and resell. Minimize what you spend, and recover every penny you can. 
99. Be the person in the group who does most of the work. Don’t whine about it. 
100. Never take an elective class because you’ve heard it was easy or because your friends are taking it. Take a class because you are interested in the subject. Never cheat yourself out of an opportunity to explore. 
101. Understand the difference between correlation and causation.
102. When deciding on a path of study or a career path, make sure you try the hard classes, not just the easy ones. The hard ones tell you so much more about what you should be doing.
103. No means no — Not now. Not here. I don’t think so. I’m uncomfortable. I don’t want to. I don’t feel like it. Maybe we should wait. I’m unsure. Maybe another time. Stop — They all mean no.
104. Go talk to her or him. Start with “Hello.”
105. Fill your circle with people you admire, find interesting, make you feel good, and push you to be better. Not with people looking for mutual benefits or who you think may benefit you. 
106. Meteorologists love extreme weather. It’s why they became meteorologists. Journalists love to get the scoop. It’s why they became journalists. Public health officials love public health crises. It’s why they became public health officials. Everything looks like a nail to a guy walking around with a hammer. Consider these motivations when they have the microphone. 
107. Inspiration shows up more often when you’re in the middle of doing the work, rather than through lightning bolts in the shower or in your sleep. 
108. You don’t need to sit in the front row, wake up at 4:30 am, or get on stage, but you do need to participate. “It’s better to be in the arena, getting stomped by the bull, than to be up in the stands or out in the parking lot.” — Steven Pressfield
109. Never keep score in a relationship. A successful relationship is not 50/50. It’s 100/0 in both directions. 
110. Requirements first. Principles second. Feelings third. 
111. Always say “yes” when invited to see live music, even if it’s not a genre or artist you like. Live music performed well, of any genre, is a transcendent experience. 
112. You are worthy. You are enough. You matter.