How To Fight the Victim Mindset (Updated)
It’s a touchy subject for sure…We interact with people all day who play the part of the victim. Sometimes its overt “poor-me” attitude, and many times its more subtle.
Its one thing to recognize this in others, but its paramount that you recognize it in yourself. Because one thing’s for sure, the victim mindset will ALWAYS hold you back.
Here’s the great news…you can BREAK OUT! You can fight the victim mindset in your own life and start moving forward. In this article, I share with you some great ways to fight the victim mindset.
Am I Being a Victim?
Playing the part of the victim, blaming “them”, blaming “the system”, or wallowing in self-pity is a very common coping mechanism. Stephen Pressfield puts forth in The Art of War that it’s yet one more way we allow Resistance to win. It so common in fact, that doctors have estimated that between 70 and 80 precent of the patients they see are not actually physical ill.
What is meant by “being a victim”? Quite simply its when you allow yourself to FEEL like a victim.
Here’re some ways to check yourself:
- If only I had the money/time/people/<name_your_resource_here>.
- I’ve been told that I can’t do that.
- If only I felt better
- My position/role is <whatever_here>, that’s not my responsibility.
- Do you know what <whomever> did to me?
- I’m not fast/good/big/fun/outgoing/<name_a_trait_here> enough to do that
Certainly there are many others as well. But if you are having these thoughts and conversations, then you may be giving in to victimhood.
“Definition of a victim: a person to whom life happens.” ~ Peter McWilliams
Feeling like a victim means that you are feeling like you can’t control your life or your outcome. You feel like the outcome is not dependent upon you, but on forces or circumstance beyond your control.
Why Being a Victim is so Easy
Before we dive into the ways to break the cycle, let’s understand why its such a common coping mechanism. There are actually pseudo-benefits that our mind reaps from allowing ourselves to be the victim:
- Victimhood is in alignment with a mind that is looking for reasons to give in to Resistance. You can easily convince yourself that “you can’t” or “you shouldn’t” if you think you have no control over your life. It’s a match made in hell.
- You gain attention. Let’s face it, many times other people empathize. This makes you feel better, and reinforces that you are the victim. It is indeed a vicious circle.
- You can shirk responsibility. When your mind thinks it can’t control your own situation, then it can’t take on responsibility. Shirking responsibility is a VERY COMMON method people use to deflect criticism and failure. Criticism and failure are 2 of our biggest fears.
These are pseudo-benefits because in fact they are damaging to your ability to move forward. On one level, they rationalize your victimhood, but on the level that matter, they keep you from doing your work.
How to Fight the Victim Mindset and Break Free
Here are some concrete actions you can take to start to fight the victim mindset.
Own it
This is the most critical first step. Ultimately, you taking control of your own mind is what breaks you out. Awareness and acknowledgement is the first step.
Intentional Daily Gratitude
When you focus on the gifts you’ve been given, you start to train your mind properly. Your mind has trouble fitting in all of the “other” stuff if it’s filled with gratitude. Each morning, start your day with a time of gratitude. You have many things for which to be thankful, acknowledge them.
Help Someone Else
Victimhood is mainly a problem of subjectivity and inward focus. If you can properly realign your basis, your mind can start to understand you don’t have as big a problem as you thought. By helping someone else, you connect your subconscious thoughts to the reality that there is a spectrum, and likely you are somewhere in the middle, not the bottom.
Forgive
If your victimhood was set in motion by another person, forgive them. OK, this is a MUCH bigger topic than one line here, but its another process by which you are training your subconscious mind to see the future rather than dwell in the past.
Make a Plan
When you set a real plan in place, you are taking ownership of your mind and life. The act of making that plan is small and critical step on the road to fighting the Resistance. You MUST take control of your own mind.
Take Action on the Plan
If you’ve made the plan, then there is no more wondering what steps to take. If there is no more wondering, then all you have to do is take action and…DO IT!
In Summary
It’s not about what happens to you, but how you react that matters.
Escaping the victim mindset is about acknowledgement, and then taking ownership.
Playing the victim is an easy coping mechanism. We all do it or have done it at some point. But the key to moving forward, to breaking the cycle, to accomplishing the vision for your life is to take ownership of your path. Taking ownership of your path starts with taking ownership of your mindset. When you play the victim, you can’t take that ownership, because its all about what’s happening to you, instead of what you are doing.
This article shared some ways to both determine if victimhood may be a problem you have, as well as some actions you can take to break free:
- Own it.
- Intentional daily gratitude.
- Help someone else.
- Forgive.
- Make a plan.
- Take action on the plan.
Fight the victim mindset, don’t let it win!
