Hidden Comparitus

We all know the jealous form of comparitus. 

The teenager on Instagram. The mid-career professional in the high-end neighborhood. The younger brother at the family reunion.

But there’s a hidden, and just as insidious, form of comparitus.

It’s not based in jealousy. It’s based in false equivalence. 

It shows up like this: “There are plenty of people my age who are running marathons. Why can’t I run marathons?” And, “Look at all of these people who have started and succesfully run their own businesses. Why hasn’t mine been successful?” And, “Einstein published his most famous papers in his 20s. Why haven’t I?”

On the surface, this looks like a “good” form of comparitus. After all, it can be motivating: If they did it, I can do it too. That belief is often the first spark of ambition. It’s important to believe we can do it. 

But here’s the psychology trap. Social comparison theory tells us we constantly measure ourselves against others to gauge progress. It is natural. However, those comparisons only work if the contexts are equal. Most of the time, they aren’t. We don’t see the unseen variables: genetics, geography, family, decisions, timing, networks, even luck. 

We assume similarity where there is none. Yet, we just drop ourselves into the middle of their situation. 

The antidote isn’t to stop comparing. It’s to start appreciating. Gratitude for your own story. Your own timing. Your own path.

The trap is asking, “Why not me?”

The freedom is realizing, “I already have mine.”