How to Fight the Victim Mindset
It’s a touchy subject for sure…There’s a fine line, and sometimes blurred line, between reality and our mind…our subconscious and conscious. But its something we need to recognize, and realize that its simply keeping us from moving forward.
Playing the part of the victim, or wallowing in self-pity is a very common coping mechanism, and as Stephen Pressfield puts forth in The Art of War, it’s yet one more way we allow the Resistance to win. It so common in fact, that doctors have estimated that between 70 and 80 precent of the patients they see are not actually physical ill.
What do I mean by “being a victim”? Well…quite simply, it’s when you allow yourself to FEEL like a victim. And feeling like a victim means that you are feeling like you can’t control your life or your outcome. You feel like the outcome is not dependent upon you, but on forces or circumstance beyond your control.
Here’s the great news…YOU CAN BREAK OUT!
How do you do that?
Before we dive into the ways to break the cycle, let’s first understand a bit about why its such a common coping mechanism. There are actually pseudo-benefits that our mind reaps from allowing ourselves to be the victim:
- Victimhood is in alignment with a mind that is looking for reasons to give in to Resistance. It is very easy to convince ourselves that “we can’t” or “we shouldn’t” if we think we have no control over our life. It’s a match made in hell.
- You gain attention. Let’s face it, many times, other people empathize. And this makes you feel better, and reinforces that you are the victim. It is indeed a vicious circle.
- You can shirk responsibility. If your mind thinks it can’t control your own situation, then for sure it can’t take on responsibility. AND…shirking responsibility is a VERY COMMON method people use to deflect criticism and failure. Criticism and failure are 2 of our biggest fears.
These are pseudo-benefits because in fact they are damaging to your ability to move forward. On one level, they rationalize your victimhood, but on the level that matter, they keep you from doing your work.
Now let’s discuss the methods for breaking free…
- Own it. It’s this simple first step of acknowledgement that is the most critical. Ultimately, its taking control of your own mind that breaks you out, and awareness is the first step to taking control.
- Find that for which you should be grateful, and focus on it every day. When you focus on the gifts you’ve been given and the things in your life make you grateful, it starts to train your mind properly. Your mind starts to have trouble fitting in the all of the “other” stuff if it’s filled with gratitude. Each morning, start your day with a time of gratitude. For me, this is prayer, but even if you aren’t spiritual in that way, you can still be purposefully mindful of your blessings. You have many, acknowledge them.
- Help someone else. Victimhood is mainly a problem of subjectivity and inward focus. If you can properly realign your basis, your mind can start to understand you don’t have as big a problem as you thought. By helping someone else, this connects your subconscious thoughts to the reality that there is a spectrum, and likely you are somewhere in the middle, not the bottom.
- Forgive. If your victimhood was set in motion by another person, forgive them. OK, this is a MUCH bigger topic than one line here, but its again another process by which you are training your subconscious mind to see the future rather than dwell in the past.
- Make a plan. When you set a real plan in place, you are taking ownership of your mind and life. The act of making that plan is small and critical step on the road to fighting the Resistance. You MUST take control of your own mind.
- Take action on the plan. If you’ve made the plan, then there is no more wondering what steps to take. If there is no more wondering, then all you have to do is…DO IT!
Escaping the victim mindset is about acknowledging it, and then taking ownership of your own mind.
As I’ve stated before, all of the topics and messages that I include here are things that have touched me personally in some way. This is my journey that I am laying out in hopes that maybe you can resonate and find helpful ways to overcome.
There are many times in my life that I have allowed myself to play the victim. Maybe not in an overly dramatic, or outward way, but certainly inside my own noggin.
Here’re some ways to check yourself, mined directly from own experiences:
- If only I had the money/time/people/<name_your_resource_here>.
- I’ve been told that I can’t do that.
- If only I felt better
- My position/role is <whatever_here>, that’s not my responsibility.
- Do you know what <whomever> did to me?
- I’m not fast/good/big/fun/outgoing/<name_a_trait_here> enough to do that
Certainly there are many others as well, but these are some thoughts or even conversations that if you are having, then you may be giving in to victimhood.
Don’t let it win!
I hope this helped you in some way, and if so, please share it with others, and please connect with me. I would love to hear your thoughts and the experiences you’ve had as well.
Have a great day!
