I Thought I’d Know More By Now

Or, more accurately, I thought I’d be sure about more by now.

I recently had a birthday — 53. I always take some time to reflect around my birthday.

This year I found my thoughts centered around just how much I still don’t know or am not sure about. In some ways, I’m less sure now than I was when I was 25.

I was sure I’d know my purpose.

In accordance with my purpose, I assumed I’d know what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I figured that by now, I’d be more sure of my role as a father and husband.

I thought my faith would be more solid.

I was sure I’d understand the meaning of life.

As I still roll those questions around in my noggin, I see a common thread — each requires an objectively correct answer.

However, one thing I do now know at my age that I didn’t understand at 25 was that objectivity is rare. At 25, I figured all I had to do was put in the work, and I’d find that objectively correct answer. I’ve put the work in, but I know now that this is a fool’s errand.

Simultaneously, that subjectivity provides a beauty to life that could never exist with objectively correct answers.

Now all I have to do is settle in and appreciate the subjectivity.