To Whom Do You Complain

If you’re not happy with your meal, the sweater that just showed up at your doorstep, or the performance review you just received, maybe you should complain.

But to whom?

You can complain to the person you see, i.e., the person that just happens to be in your orbit at that moment. The server. The person at the next table. Your neighbor. Your colleague. HR. Your spouse. 

It probably feels good. It feels like motion. You did something. 

But that was really just for you. You took your monkey and handed it to someone else. And sometimes that’s all you (and the system) need. A little emotional relief. 

Did you expect the outcome to change? 

If so, you’ve gotta find the right person. And that’s scary. Because when we complain to the right person, we’re at risk. What if nothing changes? What if you don’t get satisfaction? What if you realize the problem was your expectation?

Go ahead and complain, but make sure you know what you’re really after. 

That will determine who you complain to.