111 Easy to Follow Rules for a Miserable Life

Here’s How To Have a Trainwreck of a Life Without Substance Abuse

111 rules! That seems like a bunch. When I first started this very intense project, I thought that I’d have to settle somewhere around 25. Could I find 25 actionable rules for a miserable life? I wasn’t sure. So I dug in, and before I knew it, I was at 111.  

My fear was for naught because, as it turns out, it’s pretty easy to live a miserable life.   

There is nothing scientific about this list — no peer-reviewed research, no expert opinions, no citations. It is 100% anecdotal and based on my observations alone.  

1. Watch the news.
2. Read the newspaper and news websites.
3. Listen to sports radio.
4. Listen to news programs.
5. Watch TikTok for an hour a day.
6. Sign up on all websites for free downloads and 15% discounts.
7. Install a plethora of Chrome plugins.
8. Enable all notifications from all apps.
9. Look at your social media feed in bed (preferably before you go to sleep and when you first wake up).
10. Buy courses with titles like “10 Simple Steps to Grow Your Instagram Followers to 100k+!”
11. Read articles with titles like “How I made my first $10000 writing on Medium.”
12. Fret over your number of followers and the number of likes and comments on your last post.
13. Document your entire day on your story.
14. Focus on optimizing your sales funnel before you’ve made your first sale.
15. Never start a business.
16. Pick your phone up 800 times a day.  
17. Look for and take all shortcuts.
18. Use email for conversation.
19. Watch and listen to politicians.
20. Assume it’s the politicians’ job to make your life better.
21. Gossip about others.
22. Tell yourself, “That’s too hard.”
23. Tell yourself, “That’s not worth it.”
24. Tell yourself, “I’m not good enough.”
25. Tell yourself, “I can’t.”
26. Tell yourself, “Nobody could love me.”
27. Compare yourself to others.
28. Live in one town your entire life.
29. Never travel.
30. Never have kids.
31. Get too serious about sports for 8-year olds.
32. Prioritize stuff over experience.
33. Finance a car for ten years.
34. Never tell someone you love them.
35. Always cater to your ego.
36. Never expose yourself to emotional danger.
37. Multitask all day.
38. Don’t join any groups, communities, or social circles.
39. Say no to everything.
40. Say yes to everything.
41. Deny anything spiritual.
42. Never read.
43. Never go outside, especially when it’s cold or raining.
44. Believe it’s all luck.
45. Believe luck doesn’t exist.
46. Believe in self-made.
47. Don’t get good at anything.
48. Work through lunch.
49. Live in the past.
50. Be cynical.
51. Don’t have a hobby.
52. Never be a geek about something.
53. Always feel your way through your day.
54. Never make a ToDo list.
55. Only spend time with people who think exactly like you.
56. Dress like everyone else.
57. Make political philosophy a requirement of your friend circle.  
58. Just hang on for a few more years, until…
59. Expect others to make you happy.
60. Blame the president, or the governor, or the school board.
61. Blame rich people.
62. Blame poor people.
63. Blame other countries.
64. Blame the coronavirus.
65. Gamble with food, mortgage, or rent money.
66. Gamble with your retirement account.
67. Wait until tomorrow.
68. Always take the job that pays the highest.
69. Never take responsibility.
70. Never be bored.
71. Never be alone.
72. Never spend time in nature.
73. Buy stuff because you deserve it.
74. Talk too much.
75. Keep hanging around the people who are bad for you.
76. Shout your opinion as soon as it enters your head.
77. Always reply to others when they make you angry.
78. Hold grudges.
79. Always take the easy way.
80. Worry about the number of murders last week.
81. Assume you aren’t disciplined enough.
82. Never stand up for someone else.
83. Always get the last word.
84. Talk smack when you win.
85. Assume you are better than them.
86. Worry about other people labeling you.
87. Always cover your ass.  
88. Never think about purpose.
89. Just punch the clock.
90. Wish everything was old school.  
91. Wake up too early.
92. Go to bed too late.
93. Drink too much.
94. Eat processed food every day because that’s what you like.
95. Never eat vegetables.
96. Never exercise.
97. Focus only on outcomes and results.
98. Worry about how much your coworker makes.
99. Worry about how much your neighbor makes.
100. Allow real estate agents, mortgage brokers, and car salesmen to tell you how much you can afford.
101. Live in fear.
102. Live like there is no tomorrow.
103. Never try anything new and stay in your comfort zone.
104. Never quit anything.  
105. Attempt to live a life of no regrets.
106. Don’t believe in anything, especially God.
107. Think that winning is everything.
108. Assume younger people are stupid.
109. Assume older people are stupid.
110. Follow all the rules all the time.
111. Never follow the rules.

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