johnmaconline

I’ve always been a destination man.

I never understood wandering. I need a destination.
I never understood no plan. I need a destination.
I never understood those who walk slowly. I gotta get there.
I never understood those who drive slowly. I gotta get there.

One thing that age has taught me:

There is no destination. And why are you in such a hurry to get nowhere?

I’m getting better at taking in the journey, but I have a ways to go.

Start here. End there.
Movement. Everywhere.
Force required.
Stuck and tired.
Faced with fear.
Not very clear.
Do it anyway,
or maybe someday you’ll find
the end you didn’t intend.
Twist and turn,
In lessons learned.
Choices matter,
Amidst the chatter.
The journey, long,
Requires a song.
Start with a stride,
There’s no place to hide.
Forge your path,
Defy the wrath.
Till the end you’ll see,
The person you’re meant to be.

Continuing the conversation with my younger self…

Current Self: Hey, I got some good news and some bad news to share with you. Which do you want first?

Younger Self: I guess the bad.

Current Self: You won’t get picked. Nobody is gonna choose you.

Younger Self: Huh? What do you mean? Chosen for what?

Current Self: Nobody is gonna walk up to you and just hand you opportunities or a job or the perfect life. Nobody will notice you. Ever.

Younger Self: I don’t think I understand.

Current Self: You know how you’re waiting for things to happen? You assume that if you do the right things — get the degree, stay within the framework, try the front door — that this will get you noticed. Someone will notice your talent and hand you the perfect job or some amazing opportunity.

Younger Self: OK, but isn’t that how The World works? Fit in, play by the rules, and get good enough to be chosen?

Current Self: That’s what I’m trying to say. It doesn’t. At least not for you. 

Younger Self: That just sounds like bad news. So, what’s the good news?

Current Self: The good news is that you can choose yourself. You don’t have to wait for someone else to pick you. You can create your own opportunities, your own success, your own life. 

Younger Self: That sounds selfish. I don’t want to be that guy.

Current Self: I’m not talking about narcissism. This isn’t about looking out only for yourself or caring only about yourself, or doing the things that put you ahead at all costs. In fact, it’s kind of the opposite. 

Younger Self: How so?

Current Self: It’s simply about recognizing your potential, taking responsibility for your life, and using it to make a positive impact on those around you. It’s about not waiting for others to define your value or to give you permission to be great.

Younger Self: So how do I choose myself?

Current Self:  Invest in yourself — physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Embrace fear and failure. Create things. Get comfortable with uncertainty. Be open to and seek out opportunities. Talk to people — all kinds of people. Help others. Help your community. Lean into faith. Stand up for what and who you believe in, but always seek to walk in others’ shoes. Listen don’t shout. Lead with empathy. 

Younger Self: Hmmm. Sounds empowering, but how am I supposed to do all that?

Current Self: That’s for you to figure out. It’s a tall order, but if you manage it, everything changes. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to keep moving forward. 

Current Self: Hey, one more thing about fear.

Younger Self: OK, what is it?

Current Self: Don’t think it goes away just because you’re walking towards it. It doesn’t.

Younger Self: So you’re saying that I’m supposed to go towards my fears, but that when I do, it doesn’t get any easier?

Current Self: Not exactly. It will get easier. What I mean is the more you face it, the better you’ll get at handling it. It won’t go away, but your confidence will soar. And confidence is everything. 

Younger Self: I think I understand. Are you saying that even though the fear doesn’t subside, I’ll start to build up a skillset at dealing with it?

Current Self: Bingo! Because your goal isn’t to have no fear but to have the confidence that you’ll succeed in the face of fear. Everyone is afraid of something. What separates the successful from the unsuccessful is the ability to operate within that fear — to feel that fear deeply and still move forward.

Younger Self: So, take my fear of heights. You’re saying that I’ll never get over it, but I shouldn’t let it keep me from doing things?

Current Self: Yes! If you shy away, you’ll miss out on a bunch of memories that you wouldn’t otherwise have had, plus it will help you get better at operating when afraid. So stand on the edge of that cliff and feel your knees go weak.

Younger Self: OK, got it. The fear doesn’t go away. But do it anyway. 

Continuing my conversation with my younger self…

Current Self: Hey, let’s talk about fear, because you’re going to experience a lot of it. 

Younger Self: Ok, sure.

Current Self: Fear isn’t your enemy. It’s your compass — your guide. You’re gonna want to walk towards it. 

Younger Self: My compass? That doesn’t make sense. Fear means danger. Why would I go towards it?

Current Self: Danger, sometimes. But its mostly just emotional danger. 

Younger Self: I don’t know. Isn’t safety what we ultimately want?

Current Self: Well, let’s look at. When’s the last time something amazing happened when you weren’t a little afraid? 

Younger Self: Hmmmm

Current Self: Now, what happened when you were a little afraid? Like when you talked to the girl, or gave the presentation, or jumped off the 10-meter platform? 

Younger Self: OK, good stuff. But there were times when fear led to failure, too.

Current Self: And those failures? They were the sparks that fueled your fire. Every fall was a stepping stone, each failure a lesson. Fear will lie, but you must hear the truth in its whisper. That truth? That you are limitless.

Younger Self: I never thought of it that way.

Current Self: Start thinking of fear as a challenge, a riddle to solve. Go towards it, embrace it, wrestle with it. It’s a wild ride, and it’s where life truly begins.

Younger Self: It’s still scary, though.

Current Self: That means you’re on the right track. 

Continuing the conversation with my younger self…

Current Self: I need to tell you about another myth of The World. You’ve got to stop playing by their rules. 

Younger Self: But isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Follow the rules, work hard, and then it’ll all fall into place? 

Current Self: How’s that working out for you so far?

Younger Self:  You’re telling me to just ignore everything I’ve been taught? Just go rogue?

Current Self: No, it’s not about going rogue. It’s about creating your own path. Creating doors that don’t yet exist. 

Younger Self: So, you’re saying we should just break the rules?

Current Self: Not break them, reframe them. Playing it safe will suffocate your potential. There’s a third door to success, one you forge yourself.

Younger Self: But what will others think? Won’t they hate me or think I’m not playing fair?

Current Self: Some will, problaby, but forget them. They’re the front-door people, stuck in their lanes. But some will get it.

Younger Self: But what if I fail? What if I make a fool of myself?

Current Self: What if you do? You’ll learn, and you’ll move on. You’ll get better. Failure isn’t the end; it’s a new beginning. And that beginning is forged along your own path. 

The real fools are those who never try.

Continuing the conversation with my younger self…

Current Me: Hey, you’re gonna struggle with something that will absolutely keep you stuck in neutral and pile up the regrets.

Young Me: Really?

Current Me: Yup. You’re gonna find excuses not to start some things and, ironically, not finish other things. In fact, you’ll have more trouble finishing than starting. And you’re gonna do it a lot.

Young Me: What do you mean?

Current Me: Well, you’ll have this terrible feeling that whatever you are doing isn’t good enough. This will infiltrate your entire life. And you’ll sight your lack of external success as proof that it’s true. I’m even doing it now as I write this.

Young Me: Will I be afraid to fail or make mistakes?

Current Me: Not exactly. You’ll understand that failure is a necessary path to success, and you’ll get better at that over time.

Young Me: Then what will be the problem?

Current Me: You’ll think that whatever you’re doing isn’t good enough. Which will actually be, “I’m not good enough.”

Young Me: Can I fix it? Can I stop it somehow?

Current Me: Say “yes” to more. Put yourself out there. Finish it anyway. Get around people who are doing it. Don’t give in to those feelings.

And most importantly, embrace the journey, not the endpoint.

Continuing the conversation with my younger self…

The younger me saw it all as black and white, or maybe he wanted it to all be black and white. 

Put perfectly by Brene Brown:

“I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few.”

– Brene Brown

The younger me was wrong.  

This binary thinking was my shield, as I sought to align myself with the “smart people” while dismissing the others. But this rigid mindset was draining, limiting my emotional growth, and constricting my perspective — and just plain wrong.

The revelation came when I recognized that the smart people exist on all sides of an issue: Theism and Atheism, Liberal and Conservative, Vegan and Paleo, Chocolate and Vanilla. This realization allowed me to see that there might not always be an objective right and wrong.

It’s grey. 

Embracing the grey means engaging in conversation, exchanging ideas, and respecting diverse viewpoints. In this space, perspectives are formed, changes are made, and love deepens.

The grey is where art and authenticity reside. It’s the path to connecting with the whole and realizing one’s unique perspective. The grey challenges us to be more open, flexible, and understanding. 

Open your eyes and embrace the grey.

Continuing my discussion with my younger self…

I’ve recently watched the Arnold documentary and listened to Dice Clay on a Joe Rogan podcast. Regardless of personal feelings about them, they are shining examples of one important thing I’d tell my younger self:

You are who you tell yourself you are.

That guy looking back at my 20-year-old self in the mirror had no idea how much power he had and how manipulating he could be (or maybe he did?). 

You can’t do that.
You’re not good enough.
You aren’t smart enough.
Nobody cares what you say.

I told myself this story every day. Over and over again. 

It’s true that not everybody will like you, think you are pretty, resonate with your message, or think your idea is good. Your audience is not everybody. 

You will have to get better, do the work, and continue to improve. And you will have to find your voice and let it out. But who do you want to be? Keep telling yourself that’s who you are.

Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. Make sure that person is telling you the right story.

Continuing my discussion with the younger me…

Keep my head down, play by the rules, avoid scary, stay in the framework, never get in trouble, and all will turn out dreamy. If it felt scary or I wasn’t comfortable, the younger me believed it wasn’t for me. Little did I know then that those were the very things that I should have been pursuing.

With clairvoyant hindsight, I can recognize the growth monuments along my path. Without fail, each time I grew, made progress, or ended up better, it was because I stepped out or was forced out of my comfort zone. 

I can also look back and regret the opportunities missed or not taken. 

No matter how much you fight to stay in that zone, however, it’s not always your choice. Whether you want to or not, there will be times when you get shoved outside of your comfort zone. How will you deal with it? 

You’re going to get laid off.
Your family will have a crisis.
Somebody close to you will hurt you.
You will have to give the presentation.
You will have an existential crisis of faith.

These things are coming. You can count on it. With a mindset that recognizes opportunities, not only can you deal with them, but you can grow through them. 

The more you live with sweaty palms, weak knees, and the tension of discomfort, the better equipped you will be to handle them.

Expose yourself to emotional danger.