johnmaconline

Today, I turn 55. 

One could make a plausible (although far-fetched and dubious) argument that 100 is attainable. Therefore, 50 is the middle. One cannot make that argument about 110.

The point is we’re definitely on the backend. 

What’s the wisdom? What’s the lesson? What’s the path forward?

I’m focusing on keeping “I am’s” and “I will be’s” list long and inspirational.

We usually say, “Don’t shoot the messenger.”

That’s a shield. What we usually mean by that is:

“I’m afraid of blame.”
“It’s not my responsibility.”
“It’s not my message.”

But if we care enough, we realize that even though we might not resonate with the content of the message, if we’re delivering it, it’s our message.

The message matters. The messenger matters.

Well, introverts, you did it. But there’s one last thing you need to do.

When you get home, or first thing the next day, send everyone you met a message. It’s a very simple message:

“Hi _, it was nice to meet you tonight. Hope you have a great rest of the week.”

That can be it. Literally.

However, if you had talked about something specific, you mention it here. Or, if you had talked about getting together in the future, or about providing information, or answering a question, etc, mention it here.

“Hi Bob, it was nice to meet you tonight. Hope you have a great rest of the week. I promised to send you that article I found about the security leak, so here it is. I’d love to get your perspective on how you would handle it. Could we have a call next week?”

Just keeping conversations going. That’s all you’re doing.

You can do this networking thing. It’s daunting, yes. It’s easy to convince yourself it’s not important. It’s easy to convince yourself it’s dumb. It’s easy to convince yourself there are better ways to spend your time.

But deep down, you know better. Also, you can do it.

Don’t wait till the end to leave.

That’s right, introvert, now you can leave (thankfully). You can stop the pain. 

But…

You have one very important task on the way out — say “Goodbye” to each person you met tonight. That means walking around and seeking them out. 

Seeking people out to say “Goodbye” cements the connection you made. Plus — here’s the real benefit — it gives you a great opportunity to meet people casually on the way out.

Do this:

• Be moving. Yes, actually walking, and then pause at the group.
• Catch some eye contact and break into the conversation to say, “Goodbye.” You don’t need to wait until a comfortable moment (like earlier in the event). Just a slight pause. It’s not (that) weird to be interrupted when someone is saying goodbye. 
• “Just wanted to say Goodbye and that it was nice meeting you. Have a great night.”

Don’t do this:

• Don’t pause outside the group for any longer than a few seconds. If you can’t make it happen in that time, find the next person.
• Don’t get into more conversation than “Goodbye” unless… (see below).
• Don’t say anything like, “Finally, I get to leave” or give any reasons as to why you’re leaving.

You’re hoping for two things:

1. The other people in the conversation (these will be the extroverts, and that’s OK) will quickly introduce themselves to you. If so, you can decide if you want more conversation.
2. The person you’re saying “Goodbye” to wants to engage some more before you take off. 

You’re standing on a good run of the power ladder in each of these situations because you get to decide whether you want to keep talking. 

Then get the heck out of there.

Stay tuned for the final installment…

Now it’s time to throw your fellow introverts a bone.

Once you’re in a conversation, inevitably, someone else will look to break in. Although every ounce of your being wants to reject this (rude, focus, etc), this is your time to shine. Always invite them in. It doesn’t matter how. Even mid-sentence with your current conversee.

When you do the inviting, you keep the power and energy. Plus, you’ve helped out a fellow introvert.

You can do this all night. With this strategy, you might not have to start another conversation.

Stay tuned for the last installment…

Introverts, this is for you. 

Here’s another first-step strategy to use at networking events — break into a conversation.

To be honest, this isn’t better than starting one on your own because of power and energy. If you’re the third (or fourth, fifth, etc) wheel, you’re already not standing on the same rung of the power ladder. But sometimes, it’s the best you can do, and that’s OK.

To break into a conversation, simply walk up to some people already talking, smile, make eye contact, but be silent.Whether it’s right away, or 20 minutes from now, somebody eventually will greet you. Most likely asking you a question. 

Here’s what you say:

• Answer the question.
• If you’ve been listening to the conversation, make a point about it, or better yet, ask a question about it. 
• If context is missing, ask something like, “Tell me about what you do?”

Never say:

• “I never know what to say at these things.”
• “I hate these things.”
• “I’d like to tell you about…”

Power and energy. It’s very hard for us introverts in a room full of extroverts to earn power and keep energy. But you can do it. 

Stay tuned for the next installment…

Introverts, this is for you.

I get it. New people are scary. Talking to new people? You gotta be kidding me. What do I say? What will this person think of me? How do those people seem so comfortable? I look stupid. These people see right through me. I think I’m leaving. 

As an introvert, I know you need a plan. You can do this. Here it is. 

First, don’t leave. At least not yet. Your plan is very simple — Get one single conversation started. That’s step one. We’ll talk about step two later. In fact, don’t even think about that right now. 

To start a conversation, do this: 

Scan the scene (that’s your thing, anyway, right?) Find the people that look friendly. Don’t think about that too much. Yes, this is pure “book by its cover” and “window dressing,” which goes against everything you believe in. It’s OK right now. Push through. 

Try to make eye contact with someone physically close to you. Walk around if you need to. Smile once you make eye contact (most likely by accident). If they smile back and hold your gaze for even a fraction of a second, simply say, “Hi, I’m <name>.”

Pause there. If they engage, keep smiling. If they don’t, simply move on. Do it again until someone reciprocates. Yeah, it feels terrible. 

The very next thing you say is something like (pick what feels comfortable):

• “So what’s your story?”
• “Tell me about what you do?”
• “Tell me about your business?”

That’s it. You’ve passed the baton to them, and now you’re already more comfortable because they are talking, not you.

Never lead with these:

• “I hate these things.”
• “Don’t you hate these things?”
• “What brings you here?”
• “My business is… [prepared speech]”

The “do this” and “never do this” above are about power and energy. You want/need to be at least on equal power ground with the extroverts bubbling over with the energy gleaned from the room. Getting them talking gets you responding. You’re good at responding and then volleying back. The “nevers” start you out on a lower rung of the power ladder. It’s hard to regain equilibrium. 

Stay tuned for the next installment…

Corn sweat. Who knew?

“One acre of corn can release 4,000 gallons of water a day.”

Are you kidding me? Nature is crazy interesting.

That’s it. Just an appreciation post about showing up each day with curiosity and ready to be surprised.

Don’t ever let age, those around you, or the system beat the sense of wonder out of you.