Daily one-pagers about AI, leadership, technology, and being human.

johnmaconline

I'm writing to think, learn, and remember in public. I'll be here everyday.

November 13, 2019 8 minute read

The Peril Of Comfort

I’ve built a life of comfort…and its kept me stuck and mediocre.

As best as I can figure, I’ve built that life of comfort for 2 reasons:

Comfort is…well…comfortable. I like being comfortable.
I’ve been sold comfort is the holy grail since I was a kid.

Aspiring to a life of comfort has been one of western culture’s sales pitches that has worked on me; hook, line and sinker.

“Become a better, happier human by becoming more comfortable!”

But unfortunately, I think it’s why I have felt stuck and mediocre. It’s also why I have not risen to the challenge many times.

They Sell Comfort

Safety is comfort.

Beauty is comfort.

Fitting in is comfort.

Distraction is comfort.

Staying seated is comfort.

Staying in your lane is comfort.

Playing by their rules is comfort.

Doing it the way you always have is comfort.

Getting a good job at a good company is comfort.

Effective marketing and sales pitches pull emotional levers. Those are the levers that resonated with me.

The Younger Me and a Life of Comfort

My younger self assumed the path to success was about finding the path of least Resistance.

If it felt scary or I wasn’t comfortable, I believed the Resistance telling me it wasn’t for me. Little did I know then that those were the very things that I should have been pursuing.

Keep my head down, play by the rules, avoid scary, stay in the framework, never get in trouble, and all will turn out dreamy. I can now see the Resistance at work through that mindset.

The younger me bought the sales pitch.

Discomfort is Stress

We seem to focus on the negative aspects of stress. Books, programs, and seminars on “Practical Techniques for Stress Management”, and “9 Steps to Alleviate Stress in the Workplace and Home.”

Stress is bad, right?

It’s true that when you experience physical or psychological discomfort, your body and mind are experiencing stress.

And that’s bad, right?

Not necessarily…

The Evil Kind of Stress

Chronic stress is the evil kind of stress.

It can literally kill you.

The rut in your life or career produces chronic stress.

Eating poorly and never exercising produces chronic stress.

Living an inauthentic life or a life you are not proud of produces chronic stress.

Discomfort is not chronic stress.

The Useful Kind of Stress

Good stress is called eustress. It can be mild, acute, or even episodic. But it’s not chronic.

Eustress has the following characteristics and benefits (Mills, Reiss, Dombeck):

It only lasts in the short term
It energizes and motivates
It is perceived as something within our coping ability
It feels exciting
It increases focus and performance

You already know about physical eustress and its benefits.

When you needed the spotter in the weight room, you could lift more the next session. When you were gasping at the end of your run, you could run farther or faster next time.

Psychological eustress happens when you push your psyche similarly.

You experience it when you stand up in front of the room, publish the article, quit the job, start the new business, tell someone how you really feel, sit with the other people, go off the path “they” expect, or challenge yourself to stand up for someone or an ideal.

These things expose you to some level of emotional danger. And when you expose yourself to emotional danger, you feel vulnerable. Feeling vulnerable is uncomfortable.

But that type of uncomfortable can be eustress.

The Comfort Zone’s Effect

In hindsight, I can see how the comfort zone has shaped my journey. I recognize the little monuments of both growth and regression over my path that directly related to my level of comfort.

Most times I grew, made progress, or ended up better, it was because I stepped out, or was forced out of my comfort zone.

I can also look back and regret the opportunities missed or not taken because I was too afraid to test the waters outside the comfort zone. Resistance won those battles.

A Few Monuments Along the Path

The first time I found myself on a layoff list, I was stunned, terrified and felt like a complete failure. I had a young family to feed and a mortgage to pay. It led me to real estate investing, understanding residual income, and a keen interest in finding other sources of income.

In the 5th grade, I was voted captain of the safety patrol. My main job was to assign who was to stand at which post. I was too afraid to make any decision because of what “they” might think. So I just didn’t make any decision. When I was rightfully reprimanded, I quit the safety patrol.

In my first year as a manager of a team of software developers, I had little confidence and was mortified to let the team down. So I poured myself into it, learned new skills, found my voice, and did the work. I received an outstanding performance review.

One year later, I received the worst performance review of my career. Now working directly inside the comfort zone, I stopped pushing myself and the boundaries. I engaged the autopilot and sat back in comfort.

In high school, I was asked to run for class office by my guidance counselor, as well as some friends. The story playing in my head was: “What am I supposed to do? What if nobody votes for me? What if I stink at it?” I never even picked up the form to put myself in the running.

I turned down an offer from the premier tech product company of this age because of the fear of the unknown. Which means I turned down an offer to influence and be a part of one of the single biggest culture transforming series of products in history. Plus, if I would have accepted, the stock options provided with the offer were worth close to $3M just 3 years later.

After many weeks of over-thinking and agonizing, I nervously volunteered for a layoff in my mid-40’s from a company with which I had 18 years of service. That one decision, more than any other, has upwardly transformed my career and led to the best opportunities I’ve ever had.

Practicing Discomfort

Managing, and ultimately growing through discomfort is like working a muscle: the more you practice it, the better you can get.

Your goal isn’t to be comfortable. That’s an unattainable goal.

The goal is to be able to function, and then grow outside the comfort zone. As you get better, the higher the stakes you can handle.

The good news is that you can practice it without a high stakes event such as getting laid off. You can start easy, with benign little things, and ratchet up the level as you go.

Several years ago, I started purposefully practicing getting comfortable being uncomfortable. It will be a lifelong journey, but I’m so much farther ahead now.

Here are some of the things I’ve personally done to practice getting out of my own comfort zone.

Feel free to try some of these yourself. Each one of these has literally no REAL risk, but you can use these to get ready for those moments in your life where there IS real risk at stake.

Note that I’m an introvert, so some of these things are not likely to put an extrovert out of his/her comfort zone.

Beginner Exercises

Take a cold shower.

Skip a meal.

Smile, make eye contact, and say “Hi” to a stranger on the street or in the elevator.

Overdress or underdress for an event, or purposefully make an appearance change that will draw comments.

Beginning to Move Forward

Buy the bike or running shoes, or get the gym membership.

Start a conversation with the person next to you on the airplane or train or bus.

Write and publish an article that has some of your actual thoughts about a particular subject. Take a side, defend a position, tell a personal story, etc.

Go to a local networking group meeting.

Go to a network marketing meeting.

Force You to Grow Exercises

Find a speaking engagement (networking groups are great places to start).

Get on stage at an open mic or storytelling event.

Say “yes” to a network marketing opportunity.

Find a mentoring client. It doesn’t need to be a paying client, but someone you will work with to help on his/her journey.

Summary

“Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone.”
Robert G. Allen

My growth, and stagnation has been directly related to my comfort zone.

Leadership, creativity, entrepreneurship, public speaking, writing, expression of my voice…All things I SHOULD HAVE been pursuing with vigor, but instead I was running away.

A WARNING: no matter how much you fight to stay in your comfort zone, sometimes you will get shoved out.

It’s these times of discomfort that will shape your future life.

You will get laid off.

You will have to give the presentation.

Somebody close to you will hurt you.

Your family will have a crisis.

You will be asked to solve the hard problem.

You will have an existential crisis of faith.

These things are coming. You can count on it. With a mindset that recognizes the opportunities in discomfort, not only can you deal with them, but you can grow through them.

Use that comfort zone as a guide, and instead of believing the sales pitch, start walking towards the uncomfortable.

October 24, 2019 9 minute read

A Signpost on the Journey of Growth

Mindset Personal Investment

I acted like a child, and it makes me squirm just thinking about it.

You’ve had moments like that.

A moment when you look back, you just roll your eyes, and wish to never think of it again. You can’t believe how you acted, and felt, and thought at that moment.

You’re not proud.

But let’s revisit it right now, if ever so briefly.

Think about it. Think about it in excruciating details, and go ahead and roll your eyes at yourself.

When was it? Where was it? Who was involved? What was the situation? Was there anybody else around to see and hear you?

What did you say? How did you act? What specifically embarrassed you?

And…

How did you feel? What were you thinking? What was the story you were playing in your head?

I recently had a moment like this, but it was also a moment that let me know that I have indeed grown quite a bit.

Although I’m not necessarily proud of myself (I’m still rolling my eyes), with a few days of separation, I am thankful that it provided a signpost on the journey of growth.

The Itinerary

I was traveling home to the eastern US from Armenia. The itinerary called for 3 hours from Armenia to Qatar, a 3 hour layover in Doha, and then 14 straight hours to Philly.

All in coach.

Although I’d never done this particular trip, I have done many similar trips that were 13-16 hours on one leg of the journey.

Always in coach.

If you’ve ever spent 14 hours in coach, you know that your personal seating arrangement on that long flight can make all of the difference between tolerable and miserable.

You have your own preference — window, aisle, or middle. The correct one for you makes all the difference. And an empty seat next to you? At that moment, having an empty seat next to you is the mental equivalent of hitting the $300M lottery.

I’m twitchy, and I’m an aisle person.

I prefer the alleged freedom and the perceived space that an aisle provides. Just the fact that I can get up whenever, or put my leg out in the aisle, if even for just a few seconds, is like a calming balm applied to my twitchy mind.

When booking this particular trip, I was unable to choose a seat for the first leg, but was able to choose the perfect seat for the 14-hour leg: seat 23D.

The Qatar Airways A350 for this flight was configured as 3-3-3 with 44 rows. So 23D is on the inner aisle approximately halfway back. This was also likely to give me Zone 2 boarding. I love Zone 2 because there will be open overhead bins, but I won’t have to sit on the plane for 45 minutes before we start taxiing.

Perfect as can be expected for 14-hours in coach.

The First Leg

The journey started rough in Armenia. The flight was 3am local time. I had started that day at 8am, worked all day, and then had a relaxing few hours before it was time to embark on the journey home.

But no sleep.

We arrived in a brain fog at the airport to crowds, slow lines, and odd rules. I was assigned a window seat. Not ideal, but also not a disaster for a short 3-hour hop.

Once on the plane and nestled into my window seat, a young couple took their seats next to me. The friendly and talkative man and I exchanged some pleasant conversation as the rest of the passengers boarded.

Then, as soon as the wheels were up, somehow and inexplicably, my formerly talkative neighbor falls sound asleep.

How does anybody actually fall sound asleep in coach…in the middle?? Ah…I guess it helps if you just pour yourself into half of your neighbor’s seat.

The next 3 hours was an exercise in physical and mental tension. Trying to keep myself out of his way and smashed against the fuselage.

It’s uncomfortably warm, I’m exhausted, I have no place for my feet, I’m trying not to touch the guy next to me, my back hurts, and I’m hungry.

The proverbial two little-me’s are sitting on each shoulder.

The first me leaned into those couple of paragraphs above. He looks a lot like a tiny, pre-Miyagi Daniel LaRusso (from hereon referred to as DL-M). He’s whining in my ear that its not fair, that I shouldn’t have to deal with this, and that I deserve better. DL-M is owed something.

The other me looks like David Goggins, and he’s disgusted with myself. He’s whisper-yelling in my ear to man-up. That I still have more than 60% left in me. That this minimal amount of discomfort shouldn’t even be a blip on my radar. In fact, all tiny David Goggins-me (from hereon referred to as DG-M) can do is simply shake his head in utter disappointment.

The Layover

The people…everywhere.

I’m as introverted as they come. I enjoy less people so much more than more people. And when I’m agitated, I prefer even less people.

DL-M is winding up: For goodness sake, it’s 4:30am? Why are there so many people in this airport at 4:30am? Where could you possibly have to go at this hour?

We waited in yet another line, found the lounge, and upon entry, sat down with some sparkling water and snacks to kill the next couple of hours.

At least I have the good seat for the next leg. DL-M should shut up now.

DG-M won’t even make eye contact with me. Snacks and sparkling water…WTF is wrong with you? I think I caught a glimpse of him walking right off my shoulder and out the door.

DL-M Takes Control

An hour before boarding, in full zombie mode, I waded through the masses and found my way to the gate.

After a quick and easy gate-entry security check, I found myself handing my boarding pass to the gate agent for what I assumed was simply verification of my identity and acknowledgement that the passenger in seat 23D was at the gate.

That’s when the lug nuts spun off the wheels.

Through the haze, I heard the agent mutter something about a seat reassignment. Quickly, my boarding pass was confiscated, and a new one with obscene markings was handed to me. At first these obscene markings didn’t even register, but then I focused my eyes and understood — seat 37E.

Suddenly, the fog lifted and I was acutely aware of my surroundings.

WHAT??!!! 37E??!!!

I didn’t know exactly where 37E was, but I knew it was a) near the back of the plane, and b) in the freakin middle seat of the middle aisle.

And that’s when the wheels fell off.

With little control of myself, DL-M leapt off my shoulder, into my head, and grabbed the joystick.

The Ugh Moment

DL-M was not going to stand for this and he let the agent know. It was like an out-of-body experience.

At one point, the agent asked me to please step aside so that the manager on duty could continue the conversation without holding up the process.

I simply refused, like a child.

“I’m staying right here, blocking this line, until this is fixed!”

Historically, and with my wits about me, this is not the way I act, especially in a public setting. I rarely feel the need to complain. I’m typically able to hold DL-M at bay, and DG-M is usually satisfied with my approach.

But not this time. I literally couldn’t stop myself. I had no control, and DL-M was in full control. I wouldn’t be surprised if I stomped my foot at some point. Maybe there is video somewhere.

But in the end, there was no satisfaction for DL-M. At one point, I left the gate agent, stewed on it some more, and went back to pick up the fight.

No dice. I was flying home in seat 37E.

The Growth Moment

It didn’t come from listening to DG-M screaming at me to man-up. DG-M was nowhere to be found. Likely he was outside running laps or doing pull-ups.

It also didn’t come from “looking at the bright side.”

Or from trying to talk myself into “making lemonade from lemons.”

Or from “smiling on the outside so that my inside will believe it.”

Or from “breathing deeply.”

All bullshit.

Any of those things would have been a farce — surface-level and inauthentic.

The growth moment was simply an awareness. A mindful awareness of my presence in that time and space, and a gratefulness for being.

Yup, the old me also thinks that sounds nuts.

An actual calm came over me, if just for a few seconds. But it was a light bulb, and it was energizing.

And that light bulb was just the signpost on the journey of growth that I needed.

The Final Leg

I’d be lying if I said that now “all was well” from then on.

The flight was delayed before we got on the plane, and then again once we were seated on the plane. An incident between an angry man and a young woman at the gate that threatened to delay us even further.

DL-M was raring to go at those moments.

But that brief encounter with awareness and gratitude had signaled something that helped keep me calm.

Now, I could authentically “look at the bright side.” I knew that I was going to be OK.

The next 14 hours were as pleasant as can be in coach.

The Work That Has Been Done

I’m neither a master of meditation and mindfulness, nor prayer. I can’t teach anybody. But I’ve been practicing.

It’s moments like the one described above that has me sure that the practice is paying dividends. I’ve had a handful of those moments.

In them, I’ve been able to observe my mood, my feelings, and my actions with a “that’s interesting” kind of response. Most importantly, I’m starting to be able to forgive myself, and even allow those moments to come.

It’s OK to feel melancholy. It’s OK to feel angry. It’s OK to feel perturbed.

But it’s not OK to act on those feelings like a child would.

From Hereon

This was just a simple signpost on the journey of growth. There was no magical epiphany, nor lightning bolt, nor exclamation of a life altering moment.

But these little signposts are important. They are important motivators as well as indicators.

I’m no guru, nor sage, nor monk, and that isn’t my goal. I’m also not as consistent with the practices as I should be.

I am, however, motivated to continue.

Mostly I’m just looking to continue the growth.

October 2, 2019 4 minute read

Stuff My Younger Self Got Right

Action Activity Mindset

Fifty is one of those milestones. Probably past half way. Certainly a reasonable point to reflect.

Whether you feel awesome, or mediocre, or terrible, have some fun with the reflection.

For some, it would be easy to focus on what you wish was different. The regrets. But as a coach/mentor, and a mentee, I’ve come to know the power of focusing on the wins, however small.

So I choose to intentionally focus on some of the stuff I got right as a young adult. At least some of the time. To be clear: not all of the time. Nor was I was conscious of all of this at the time.

But in hindsight, here is the stuff my younger self got right. I am still applying these today.

You may recognize yourself in many of these things, or may disagree vehemently with some of them. Maybe I’m a stone-cold loser. Regardless, you may find some truth in this list.

50+ Things I Got Right

These are in no particular order.

Look for ways to add value at work, at home, and in the community.
Find and participate in your spiritual community.
Find a purpose larger than yourself.
Be curious and continue to wonder.
Invest in your marriage.
Expose your emotional self to your partner.
Realize that commitment is something you do, not something you expect.
Be self-aware.
Invest in your children.
Be the adult for your children, sometimes at the expense of being a buddy.
Provide as many opportunities for your children as you can.
Let your children learn to struggle and figure stuff out.
Let your children determine their own path.
Sacrifice for your family.
Invest in your physical health.
Make exercise fun.
Get harder to kill every day, both physically and mentally.
Start saving for your “later life” right away, at the maximum amount, no excuses.
Learn about finances.
Make enough money so you don’t go to bed stressed about money (most nights).
Realize that money is just a tool, like any other resource.
Invest in experiences over stuff.
Don’t feel bad about spending money on stuff that brings you joy.
Find a place/neighborhood to live that doesn’t make you feel out of place.
Don’t blindly follow the crowd.
Don’t pay attention to the news.
Don’t gossip.
Assume the other side is innocent and has the best intentions.
Assume you have made a mistake or don’t understand.
Give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
Don’t be easily offended.
Don’t whine about what you think you are owed, who wronged you, or what are your rights.
Seek out real conversation.
See the other’s perspective.
Keep looking for other interesting things to do.
Travel (resorts don’t count).
Keep learning new things.
Choose to be happy.
Find a work-life balance that is more integration, rather than separation.
Stay away from those you don’t want to become.
Share your work and ideas with coworkers.
Always find time to help your coworkers.
Sometimes be a follower, sometimes be a leader.
Don’t be impressed by titles or letters after one’s name, most especially your own.
Find the art in your work.
Reply to calls/emails/messages.
Be someone who can be counted upon.
Focus on what you can control.
Fix the big things first.
Read…a lot.
Tell people when you are impressed with them.
Figure out how to fix your house and car yourself.
Know how to cut your grass, mulch your yard, clean the bathroom, do laundry, make dinner, hang shelves, go through TSA at the airport, get an Uber or taxi, take a bus and train, paint a room, drive a manual transmission, and pump your own gas.
Go outside.
Pursue and appreciate the arts.
Embrace change.
Intention matters, regardless of results.

Summary

Self awareness is a critical trait in the quest for emotional intelligence and growth. No matter your age, reflection exercises are a great little tool that you can use to reset your awareness more accurately.

See here for another reflection exercise that I conducted on stuff that I’d like to tell my younger self.

They key to effective self reflection is a mix of honesty and focusing on positives. If you think about your younger self and find the things you were doing right, you can see how it’s led you to some of your biggest positive moments. Likely some of the best parts of yourself.

What is the stuff that your younger self was doing right?

September 25, 2019 20 minute read

Stuff I’d Tell My Younger Self

Action Activity Mindset

As I cross the 50-year boundary, my head is full. Full of ideas, full of things I want to do, full of the grocery list, full of regrets, and…

Full of stuff I wish I could tell my younger self. Stuff that’s based on how I thought, felt, and viewed the world at around 20 years old.

I’d like to find him and say these things, not because I’m unhappy where I am, but because of the waste. Wasted time, wasted emotions, and wasted growth.

Even though the audience is me, I suspect that you will find much of this helpful for yourself, at any age.

Here is the stuff that I’d tell my younger self…my 20-year old self.

Take More Risks

“Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”
– Helen Keller

Specifically with my own ego.

Several studies have shown that people who are at the end of their lives regret things they didn’t do, not the things they did that went wrong or at which they failed.

These regrets of omission are for the risks they didn’t take towards becoming their “true selves” and “living their dream life.”

Nobody walks up to you and lifts the veil on your authentic self. Nor does anybody walk up to you and hand you your dream life. Only you can figure these out.

And to do so, it’s going to take putting yourself out there and taking risks.

The risk of failing.

The risk of not being good at it.

The risk of losing.

The risk of making the wrong the decision.

The risk of looking like you made the wrong decision.

The risk of looking stupid.

The risk of getting laughed at.

The risk of someone else getting upset at you.

The risk of rejection.

The risk of letting someone know how you really feel.

The risk of what “they’re” going to think.

In hindsight, I can see now how fear ruled over me. Fear of what? All those things listed above. That was an easy list to write. I could keep going.

When my kids drive off, I always tell them in jest, “Drive fast and take chances!” I don’t mean it literally, and they know that. But it’s a just a little out-of-context reminder that they’re going to have to take some risks.

There is no reward without risk, and your ideal and authentic self is worth the risk.

Stop Playing By Their Rules

“Don’t ‘I wonder’ through life. Just make it happen.”
– Alex Banayan

A great example is illustrated by Alex Banayan in his book, The Third Door.

He tells the story of obtaining interviews with some of the most successful and influential people on the planet. People such as Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Steven Spielberg, Tim Ferris, Larry King, etc.

The summary: he found that in all situations there are 3 doors through which you can walk (paraphrased from thirddoorbook.com):

Front Door: This is the main entrance for the ticket buyers. The people that follow the rules to see the show. It’s where 99 percent of the people wait in line, hoping to get in.
Back Door: This is the door for the people that have an “in”. Maybe they know somebody that can let them in, or introduce them to the right person.
Third Door: This is the door that the truly successful person creates…out of thin air. It’s created by shear force of will, effort, and creativity. It’s the entrance where you have to jump out of line, run down the alley, bang on the door a hundred times, crack open the window, and sneak through the kitchen.

Most people are front-door people. My 20-year old self was the consummate front door person. Figure out the rules, and play by them. To have success, you simply work within the framework and “get good”.

When front door people don’t succeed, they usually think it’s the back door people that are keeping them from success.

“Of course she got the contract, she know’s so-and-so.”

“Of course he was the one who got in, his family is wealthy.”

“Of course he got the promotion, he always has lunch with the boss.”

“Of course she created a successful business, she’s a stay-at-home mom with all the time in the world.”

But those aren’t back door successes. They are 3rd door successes. It’s the door you create and walk through that wins you the game.

Nobody is keeping you from success, or stealing your success unfairly. You’re just not playing the game according the winning rule book.

A warning: Once the third door approach is embraced, it becomes a super power that can be used for good or evil. Wield the power carefully.

Remember the celebrity college admissions scandal? Those kids didn’t get in to the colleges BECAUSE their parents were wealthy or famous (the back door).

They got in because their parents WANTED IT ENOUGH that they were WILLING TO USE their resources and influence to create the third door. They reframed the rules.

That’s obviously an example of using the third door power for evil, and it’s not what I am condoning. What I am condoning is the creativity and courage it takes to find or create that third door.

Once you find the 3rd door, beware of “they”. They will label you a brown-noser. They will wonder why you’re no longer hanging out with them at the corner of bitch and moan. They will even talk behind your back.

But those are the front door people.

Is it more important to stay in your lane, or to actually make an impact?

The rules are for everyone else.

Get Around the Right People

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
– Jim Rohn

Truth from the late Jim Rohn!

Perhaps the biggest influence on my journey, level of success (or failure), feelings, and overall happiness are those with whom I spend my time.

As a 20-year old, I at least knew with whom I DIDN’T want to spend my time.

I remember the palpable soul sucking I experienced around certain people: moaning about their job, moaning about their wife, moaning about the boss, moaning about their physical problems, moaning that it’s someone else’s fault.

But I wasn’t fully aware that seeking out the RIGHT people, not just avoiding the wrong people, is actually the greatest life hack there is.

Want to raise your game? Get around better players.

Feeling blue? Get around joyous people.

Want to feel love? Get around those that love you.

Want to start a successful business? Get around successful entrepreneurs.

Want to have a deeper and more authentic faith? Get around those that have it and aren’t afraid to question it.

Want to move up in your company? Get around those that have those positions now.

Want to feel, look, and be physically healthy? Get around those that eat and train for performance and health.

It’s these people:

People that have what you want
People that are how you want to be
People that have done or are doing what you want to do
People that make you want to be a better person
People that just plain make you feel great

Make your circle an intentional and exclusive group.

Don’t Follow Your Passion, But Always Bring It With you

“We have to stop telling kids to blindly follow their passion and show them the opportunities that exist. “
– Mike Rowe

* Side Note: In my opinion, our culture egregiously overuses the word “passion”. In fact, I find it now has little meaning. Purposefully, I overuse it 11 times in the following paragraphs. You’re welcome.

What? Don’t follow your dreams?! Blasphemy in the day and age of the “you can be anything” fable we tell our kids.

Actually, this isn’t about following or not following your dreams. This is about how you show up in your life each day.

“Follow your passion” is not lousy advice because no one should. It’s lousy advice because it can easily be used as an excuse to NOT go forth and do!

What if you didn’t have a burning passion since you were 8 years old?

What if you are passionate about many things?

What if your passion changes over time?

What if you stink at the skills related to your passion?

Does that mean you should just sit around and do nothing, or play the victim, or be angry, or blame God?

My 20-year old self didn’t really know what my passion was. I was an engineer, but SHOULD I be a musician? How about an astronaut? Maybe a pastor?

I spent an inordinate amount of time and effort on introspection and prayer, ruminating on “what is my passion?” Although I didn’t frame it or think of it that way.

My frame was external. I asked God for my purpose, and then eventually blamed God for my lack of vision.

“What does God want me to do?”

“Just give me a sign, God, and I’ll do it.”

The lightning bolt never came, or hasn’t yet. In fact, I no longer think that lightning bolts come for most people.

But I did find it, or rather, I continue to find it each day. I find it by simply doing the work, and bringing the passion in what I am doing. I find it by trying new things, saying no to some other things, and using some of the other advice I give myself here:

Taking risks
Finding my voice
Getting out of my comfort zone
Getting around the right people

Not every day or week is blissful. I don’t look forward to every task I have to accomplish. There are loads of things I’d rather not do, or make me squirm.

But I also now know that not finding passion in what I do is a fault of my own attitude and missed opportunity. Not because they, or the government, or God, or the Universe owes me something.

Do the work to determine what you like, what you are good at, and what is helpful to your community and this world. It’s at the intersection of those things that you will find your personal sweet spot.

If you do feel a calling…a deep-down-in-your-bones-calling, then pursue it. To be successful at it, you will have to bring your passion. It will take courage, drive, focus, and perseverance. You will have to do the hard stuff.

I guarantee that you won’t ever find a calling by sitting at the bar complaining that the world doesn’t “get you.” Nor by only working when you feel like it.

Here it is, put nice and succinctly by Mike Rowe. Go do something, apply yourself and find your purpose by action.

Do the work, and bring your passions with you. You will be amazed at how your days start looking brighter, and your life starts to take off.

Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

“Do one thing every day that scares you.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

Expose yourself to emotional danger.

I thought the path to success was about finding the path of least Resistance. I don’t mean “least work”. I mean Steven Pressfield’s Resistance.

Steven’s masterful book, “The War of Art” births Resistance as a real, 3rd party force whose sole purpose is to keep you in your comfort zone. Unfortunately, when you’re in that comfort zone, you’re not growing.

If it felt scary or I wasn’t comfortable, I believed it wasn’t for me. Little did I know then that those were the very things that I should have been pursuing.

Leadership, creativity, entrepreneurship, public speaking, writing, expression of my voice…All things I SHOULD HAVE been pursuing with vigor, but instead I was running away.

Keep my head down, play by the rules, avoid scary, stay in the framework, never get in trouble, and all will turn out dreamy. I can now see the Resistance at work through that mindset.

With clairvoyant hindsight, I can recognize the growth monuments along my path. Without fail, each time I grew, made progress, or ended up better, it was because I stepped out, or was forced out of my comfort zone.

I can also look back and regret the opportunities missed or not taken because I was too afraid to take that step. Resistance won those battles.

No matter how much you fight to stay in that zone, however, it’s not always your choice. Whether you want to or not, there will be times when you get shoved outside of your comfort zone.

How will you deal it? It’s times like these that will determine your future self. Will you man-up or will you wither?

You’re going to get laid off.

You will have to give the presentation.

Somebody close to you will hurt you.

Your family will have a crisis.

You will be asked to solve the hard problem.

You will have an existential crisis of faith.

These things are coming. You can count on it. With a mindset that recognizes opportunities, not only can you deal with them, but you can grow through them.

The more you live with sweaty palms, weak knees, and the tension of discomfort, the better equipped you will be to handle them.

Expose yourself to some emotional danger.

Perfection is Your Enemy

“I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.”
– Pablo Picasso

Let’s call the spade a spade here. Perfectionism is simply another excuse not to expose yourself to the emotional danger that is necessary to grow.

I’ve not started a thousand things because I held myself to some unrealistic standard of excellence. BEFORE I EVEN STARTED!

“I have nothing to say…I can’t write like Thoreau, or Crichton, or Maxwell, or Pressfield. Therefore, why try.”

I’ve also not finished a thousand things because I’ve held it up to the same phantom standard of perfection.

“Do my eyes look weird in that video? I don’t think my energy is quite right…I’m not publishing it.”

Perfectionism‘s purpose is to provide an excuse “not to”…not to start, not to finish, not to put the work in, not to think about it anymore…and therefore, not to fail or face scrutiny.

But also, not to grow, not to make progress, not to get better, and not to ever have to deal with what happens when you actually do it.

My younger mind loved being a perfectionist, and the malicious rhetoric that went with it, because it was the perfect excuse.

Failing or struggling my way to success was never my path. I assumed that if it was meant to be, that I’d be inherently good at it. Born with it. The excuse of perfectionism allowed me to continue to believe that.

Luckily, almost 30 years of software development has been a great teacher in the battle against perfectionism. I have learned that the key to developing the best software product has been getting something imperfect, incomplete, and even with known faults into the customer’s hands sooner.

The reason is faster feedback. Feedback is your map to improvement. Feedback + iteration is the path to success. If you are concerned that what you have is not good, then ship it sooner, not later. The feedback will tell you.

The danger of not shipping it before you think you are ready is taking the wrong path for far too long.

Do you ever hang out with the Instant Gratification Monkey? That’s how I know that I’m letting perfectionism get the best of me. Procrastination is an easiest outlet for perfectionism.

This is an on-going battle that still happens almost daily. I’ve procrastinated 30 times writing and publishing this article. All because I have this dread of “it’s not good enough.”

Which is actually, “I’m not good enough.”

Which leads me to…

Tell Yourself the Right Story

“You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it, people do like you”
– Stuart Smalley

Self-talk gold from Al Franken’s Stuart Smalley. Do yourself a favor.

That guy looking back at my 20-year old self in the mirror was mean and loved the comfort zone. “You’re not good enough…you aren’t smart enough…nobody cares about your perspective…be invisible…you can’t do that, you need more time and money.”

I was telling myself a terrible story each day. Over and over again.

Do you think Steve Jobs inner voice told him he couldn’t get it done?

Do you think Michael Jordan told himself that he didn’t want the ball at the end of the game?

Do you think Tony Robbins let his neglected child voice tell him he couldn’t make an impact on millions of people?

If you hear something a million times, your subconscious will believe it. The only person that can tell you something a million times is you. So make it the right story.

It’s true that not everybody will like you, or think you are pretty, or resonate with your message, or think your idea is good. Your audience is not everybody.

You will have to get better, do the work, and continue to improve.

And you will have to find your voice, and let it out. Your audience is out there. So is mine.

Own who you are, know where you are, and grow each day toward your authentic self. Your audience needs you, and your perspective.

Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. Make sure that person is telling you the right story.

Why So Serious?

“Don’t remember where I was
I realised life was a game
The more seriously I took things
The harder the rules became
I had no idea what it’d cost
My life passed before my eyes
I found out how little I accomplished
All my plans denied
– Dave Mustaine, A Tout Le Monde

Wisdom from the great poet, Dave Mustaine.

Stuff is gonna go sideways.

Embrace it, or at least look for the lesson. Always find the humor.

Remember the best stories of road trips from your youth? Why do you remember them? Because of the things that DIDN’T GO ACCORDING TO PLAN.

You remember the flat tire, and then the flat spare tire, which caused your family to have to stay in the hotel on the highway. There was a pool, you went out to eat dinner, and you had cookies for breakfast. That was the best 12 hours of the entire vacation.

You remember getting to the beach and forgetting to have packed your bathing suit. Your mom bought you 2 new bathing suits.

You remember camping when it was so hot that the “resort” opened up the water park to everyone for free. You went on the water slide 27 times and your dad taught you how to scare your little brother under water.

David Epstein, in his book “Range“, tells numerous stories about successful people who purposefully meandered. People who took opportunities. People who never took the “golden master plan” so seriously that they were blind to life itself.

Not every day, week, or year unfolds exactly as you have it planned. Becoming too focused on a particular outcome creates this weird, paradoxical situation: The harder you try, the harder it becomes.

Often the best and biggest opportunities come about when you are thrown a curveball. With a growth mindset, you can recognize the opportunities. With a fixed mindset, each left or right turn makes you angrier.

Give yourself a break. Laugh about the missteps and misadventures. And always keep your eyes open for opportunities.

Embrace the Grey

“I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few.”
– Brene Brown

I once saw the world as black and white, in or out, right and wrong. There was an objectively correct answer to every question, every problem, every situation.

Or possibly, I wanted to see the world as black and white. I wanted there to be a right and wrong side to every issue.

I wanted that because it was the perfect way to hide and protect myself. I was hiding amongst the “smart people.”

The smart people were on the right side, and the dumb people were on the wrong side. I saw myself as one of the smart people. Paraphrasing Seth Godin, “People like me are the smart people, we think like this, and we are on the right side.”

My job was simply to figure out which side was right, so I could be one of the smart people.

Therefore, I spent a pile of mental and emotional time and effort fitting everything into this paradigm. It was both exhausting and soul-sucking.

It also kept my mind sealed up in a can, my emotional being stagnate, and my perspective squarely in the middle of the mainstream of my little community. Whomever they were.

Luckily, I discovered this particular can opener: ALL sides (usually) have smart people!

Theism vs Atheism: smart people on both sides.

Liberal vs Conservative: smart people on both sides.

Nature vs Nurture: smart people on both sides.

Vegan vs Paleo: smart people on both sides.

Chocolate vs vanilla: smart people on both sides.

If there are such smart people on completely different sides, then maybe there isn’t an objective right and wrong. Maybe it’s way more nuanced. Maybe it’s grey.

When you embrace the grey, you embrace the conversation. You embrace the exchange of ideas, the respect of other’s view points, and the realization of where you may be in error. In turn, you find your perspective.

The grey is where the art is.

It’s where an individual can find his/her interface to the whole.

It’s where change takes place.

It’s where love can germinate, and then grow deeper.

The grey is where you find your authentic perspective.

Open your eyes to the grey.

In Summary: Choose Yourself

James Altucher has it right in his book “Choose Yourself.” This is the best summary of the stuff that my current self would tell my younger self.

Choosing yourself is about taking action. Taking the action to build and find your authentic self. Your career, and your life, will be what you make of it. So don’t wait around to get started. Do these things…

Create something. Use that thing to build another source of income, or joy, or challenge.

Grow your network with people you want to love, and admire, and are where you want to be.

Grow yourself by investing in your skills, physical health, relationships, and your emotional and mental well-being.

Don’t walk into work afraid you may get laid off. Walk into work knowing that if you get laid off, you’re going to be fine.

Continuously expand your frontiers. Say “yes” to adventure, take the risk. Embrace the uncertainty.

Don’t wait around for the right answer. Go find it.

Fail faster, find the lessons, and keep moving forward. Do the hard stuff. Get stronger and get great at being rejected.

Don’t take yourself so darn seriously.

Find the joy in each day and bring your passion. When your partner smiles, be filled with gratitude. When your child is happy, be proud. When your child is sad, be thankful you are there to pick them up.

You may be 20 today, but snap your fingers, and now you’re 50.

Don’t wait around.

January 12, 2019 5 minute read

How to Make Someday a Reality

Action Business Mindset

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How to actually make Someday a Reality

Do any of these sound familiar:

Someday, when I have the money…
Someday, when I have the time…
Someday, when I lose some weight…

If you are honest with yourself, you know that “Someday” is never coming. But not this time…this time you are ready…this time you REALLY do want to make Someday a Reality. Something’s happened that makes this time different. In this article, I will share the 1 simple concrete step that you must take first to guarantee to make Someday a Reality.

Someday Never Comes

There is no such thing as the perfect time. You will never have enough money (how can that even be measured?). We all have the same 24 hours in a day, so “enough time” is simply mindset. When is it exactly that you plan on losing weight? The reality is that when you tell yourself the story of “Someday”, your mind doesn’t believe it. Its just a wish…just a dream. There’s no downside to the dream, because you really don’t believe it. Your mind loves the safety of its comfort zone. And that comfort zone is exactly where you are today. You are here, why change? Why risk disappointment, or difficulty, or failure? It’s easier to just be whomever you are, whether you like that person or not. Unless…

Make Someday a Reality

This time is different…this time you really DO want make someday a reality… The single concrete step to guarantee to make your someday a reality is quite simple: You must take ACTION. It’s the action, the activity that creates the progress. You do not take even one step towards “Someday” unless you actually take the first step. So let’s do it! Let’s take that first step…but how? Here are some tips to help you overcome that barrier, the wall that keeps you from taking the first step:

How to Take The First Step

Here are some tips to help you take that first step:

1. Put it on the calendar and make a plan

This makes your goal 100% concrete. It’s right there in black and white, and with a plan, you’ve thought about the steps to make it happen. To take the action, your mind needs it be real. Without the plan of action your mind doesn’t switch into action mode. In that case, it’s still a wish, it’s still “Someday” and your mind has no real interest in doing the work of overcoming the fear. Make the plan out of concrete baby steps. Small, doable tasks…now you are applying the Slight Edge!

2. Get around the right people

Find a group, a clan, a tribe of people that will support you. It could be people that have already accomplished your goals. Or it could be people that are trying to accomplish the same thing along with you. The right group will be just the right mix of positive support, accountability, and showing you the way. You need love, but you also need to be pushed. When you tell this new tribe of your goals, it ratchets up the level of accountability within your own mind. Now you are motivated by BOTH you own goals, and the collective accountability of the group.

3. Focus on what’s changed in your mind

What makes this time different? Why is now the time you need to make Someday a Reality? Maybe that sounds simple, but this time is different (or else you wouldn’t be reading an article like this). Why is that?

Has there been some event in your life or in the life of someone close to you?
Did you have a dream?
Did you get bad news from the doctor?

Whatever it is, keep it in front of you all the time. Think about it, write it down, put it on your mirror. Focus on it.

Other Resources

Here are some other posts and resources to help you take that first step towards making someday a reality:

In Summary

The key to make a someday a reality is quite simple: take action. There is never going to be the “perfect” time or situation in your life. You must take action today. The hard part may be in taking that first step. Here are some tips to help you take the first step:

Put it on the calendar and make a plan
Get around the right people
Focus on what’s changed in your mind

I hope for you that this time really is different. That this is the time that you actually start to make someday a reality. Have a great day![/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

July 30, 2018 7 minute read

How to Get Happier, Healthier, and More Productive by Quitting These 4 Things Today

Action Activity Mindset

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Happier, Healthier, and More Productive by Quitting…

Happier, healthier, and more productive…Don’t we all want that?

Most self-help advice seems to be focused on adding things to your life: a new routine, or more exercise, or more communication, or more skill development. But, adding more and more to our life can be daunting and downright overwhelming.

Sometimes the best approach is to be a quitter!

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Quitting To Win

Maybe that seems counterintuitive. It’s because you’ve been brought up under the notion that quitting is inherently negative. Here are some perceptions of quitting that you have heard:

Quitting means you’re not good enough
Quitting is failure
Quitting means you are lazy
Quitting means you don’t care

But quitting as a concept is NOT inherently negative, it simply means to stop and let go of something you are currently doing (or thinking). Maybe quitting some things is just the what the doctor ordered for getting you on a better path.

Here are 4 things you should quit today to become happier, healthier, and more productive:

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Quit These 4 Things

1. Allowing Others to Control Your Time

This is #1 on the list for a reason: It may be the most insidious thing we do to ourselves.

You have the same 24 hours in a day that people like Richard Branson, and Dr. Oz, and Tim Ferris do. The reason they seem to have the time to not only be awesome professionally, but have awesome lifestyles as well is that they control their own time.

Realizing you control your own time is one of the most liberating feelings in the world.

Here are some practical tips to consider right away:

Prioritize and focus your efforts according to the Eisenhower Principle.
Block out a period of focus or “you” time on each day’s calendar and turn off notifications on ALL of your devices during this time. Actually put this in your calendar so other’s cannot schedule you for a meeting during this time.
Only accept meetings for which YOU are actually required. Just because someone has invited you to a meeting does not mean you have to attend.
Learn to say “no”. No is the most powerful word you can learn for controlling your own time.

If you are interested in more depth on this topic, checkout the free video on how to control your time at the bottom on this page.

2. Trying to Please Everyone

Warning: This one takes courage!

You’ve heard this one before, and you know it in your brain. But its so darn HARD emotionally!

Its hard because most of us really do want to make others happy. We love our people, whomever they are. Plus, we are uncomfortable when we anger, or disappoint another person.

Ironically…them…out there (physically or virtually)…don’t appreciate your efforts anyway. They’re busy with their own lives.

In reality, your creation, your message, or your service is not actually meant for everyone. If you dumb it down, or you change it, or you try to appeal to the masses, you will miss the mark. You will not actually help the people who can most benefit from you.

So what do you do instead?

Go be your authentic self. And work on that self daily. The more you grow into yourself, the happier you will become. Yes, you will repel some….but you will also attract the right ones.

Embrace the uncomfortable. Embrace the haters.

3. Comparing Yourself To Others

Ahh…social media. The great enabler and the great mindset sucker. Actually, social media didn’t invent comparitus, but it sure has raised it’s power to the stratosphere.

There are 2 quotes that I love and I think are compelling for awareness:

A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms – Zen Shin

Exactly. You are unique, you have your own journey, your own gifts, and your own desires.

[Stop comparing] your behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel – Steve Furtick

What you see…parked in the driveway, posted on social media, sitting in the corner office, and discussed at the party…is simply the highlight reel.

Here are 3 things you can do today to help you stop comparing yourself to others:

Focus on your activities, not your results – You can’t control your results, only the activities that lead to results. Eat better, exercise, make the sales calls, create the content, follow up…whatever the right activities for you are. Ensure you are doing the those things every day, and the results will come.
Stop scrolling through the social media feed (or take a break all together) – Who else finds themselves depressed by scrolling through the social media highlight reel? You can stop…you have the power. Even if social media is necessary to your business, you don’t have to be a consumer. You can be the creator. You know the difference between work and personal.
Daily intentional gratitude – Just take 5 minutes a day and write down 3-5 things for which you are thankful. Over time, you can’t help but feel better about your personal situation.

Remember, you can model your path after another, but you can never repeat it. Walk your own path.

4. Putting Others on a Pedestal

Who is it? Actually, it doesn’t matter. He or she is NOT better than you. End of story.

The person you put on the pedestal also has daily struggles…also requires guidance…also needs love…also must make a living…also doesn’t always know the answer…also feels unworthy…also likes cheeseburgers and french fries.

Here’s one I love:

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future – Oscar Wilde

When you put someone up there, you hold them to a higher and potentially unworthy standard. You are actually not seeing them for who they are. Plus, you have immediately put yourself below them. If this is a person with whom you must interact, you are inevitably holding yourself back because of your sense of unworthiness.

The healthier approach is to see others you admire as inspiration for your journey. They can serve as a model.

He or she can help you want to be a better person, and that is an excellent goal for each day.

In Summary

Sometimes, its all about knowing when and what to quit. Here are 4 things to quit to help you be healthier, happier, and more productive:

Allowing others to control your time
Trying to please everyone
Comparing yourself to others
Putting others on a pedestal

Take a look in the mirror and see if any of these are holding you back.

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January 16, 2018 10 minute read

The 4 Resources You Need to Live Your Dream Life

Personal Investment

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The 4 Resources You Need to Live Your Dream Life

What does your dream life look like?

Do you have a concrete plan to make your dream life a reality?

Maybe you haven’t spent much time drawing out your dream life, but when its quiet or you’re in your car alone, you find your mind drifting to a point in the future where your life is satisfying and happy.

Your future plans, the ones that give you comfort and hope and inspiration are all really about FREEDOM. The FREEDOM to live the life that you desire.

In this article I share with you the 4 resources you need to live your dream life.

Some time ago, I originally published an article sharing the 3 resources you need to live your dream life. BUT…I’ve grown and progressed since then (thank goodness!), and I now realize that there are actually 4 resources you need to live your dream life. This is an updated version of that original article.

NOTE: I’ve removed the original article because I consider it incomplete.

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The 4 Resources

Regardless of whether your vision for your future is detailed and concrete, or fuzzy and wishful, there are 4 resources you will need in order to realize that freedom. The amount of each of is relative to your vision.

The KEY is you will need to combine these 4 resources at the same time in your life! At various points in each of our lives, we may find ourselves with 1 or 2 or 3, but FREEDOM comes with having all 4 at the same time. Its time for you to be working towards combining all 4 of these resources.

The goal is to make and work a plan NOW. This includes making the necessary sacrifices, so that you can COMBINE these 4 at some point in the FUTURE.

What are they?

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Health

It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.
– Mahatma Gandhi

Are you healthy enough?

You don’t have to be an ironman triathlete, or a fitness competitor, or have the same energy you did when you were 18 years old. Maybe this is your goal, but it doesn’t have to be.

As with the other 4 resources, enough “health” is relative to you, but there are basically two components that determine if you are healthy enough:

You are happy with how you feel: You feel good, in your opinion. Overall, when asked, you would not complain.
You can do the things you want to do: This is the critical health component to living the life you desire. If you are not healthy enough to do what you want, then unlimited amounts of time, money, and relationships will NOT make up the difference.

Health is a slippery and sneaky bugger. As you get older, it gets harder and harder to maintain, and requires more effort. Unfortunately, you may achieve your goals in the other areas at precisely the time your health fails you. Therefore, you must focus on it NOW!

Your goal is to be healthy enough to DO the things you want WHEN you are able.

Here is the GREAT NEWS about your health: you can make a decision today to start improving it! Your overall physical health is comprised of genetics, diet and nutrition, and your level of activity. YOU CAN CONTROL 2 of those 3 things. Get on it…

Time

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life
– Steve Jobs

Are you spending your time the way you want?

Time is tricky, because it’s finite and fleeting. You can NEVER get time BACK. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. As such, it is INFINITELY VALUABLE.

You can make more money, you can meet more people, and you can work to be healthier, but you can never get time back.

Every single one of us have the same 24 hours in a day. Time is the great equalizer and levels the playing field.

Let’s face it, you have responsibilities and you have bills to pay. You can’t let that slack. With the proper prioritization, however, you can start working towards your vision for the future. You may even have to sacrifice MORE time now, in order to spend your time how you want in the future.

What does having enough time really mean? It simply means that you have ENOUGH TIME to do the things you WANT and are IMPORTANT to you.

Here are few things help you start thinking about how much time you will need to live your dream life:

Are you a parent? Do you presently spend enough time with your children? What kind of parent do YOU want to be? Does that require more time?
What does your ideal day look like? Actually sit down with some paper and work out your ideal day. What time do you get up? How do you spend that day? What are the activities? This is an excellent thought experiment and helps with forming a concrete vision for your future.
Do you wish to travel or spend significant time in multiple locations? Vacationing, but also traveling to see your kids, grandkids, and network of friends. Maybe you’ve always envisioned spending seasons in different locations. If you are ALLOWED 2 or 3 weeks of vacation from your employer per year, will that be ENOUGH TIME for you to do and see all of the people, places, and things that you want?

Finances

Working because you want to, not because you have to is financial freedom.
– Tony Robbins

How much money do you need?

Money does NOT make you rich. Money should never be the goal of your life. BUT…it is definitely one of the four resources that fuel your dream life.

Money is a tool, and when used properly, can be one of the most effective tools. However, many people get caught in the trap of thinking “money solves everything”. That mindset in itself causes you to understand that you need ALL four resources. Instead, understand that money is a tool, and the key to obtaining it is to add value.

So how much do you need? Here are a few questions to help you work it out:

Who do you want to be and what do you want to do? This IS the vision for your life. What is the amount that it will take to lead this life?
In whom or what do you want to invest? Think of being able to invest in people and projects that you find interesting and worthwhile. Who are these people and what are the projects? Regardless of whether you are investing for financial return, or social return, or spiritual return, focusing on the investments that you want to make will help determine how much money you will need.
Who do you want to help? Do you want to be able to help your kids, and their kids financially? Do you want to create a life changing legacy for future generations? Do you want the financial resources in your later years to travel around and still be a big part of your kids and their families lives? Do you want to be able to give money to your Church, or your favorite charity? When you concretely frame the faces of those you want to help, it will help you calculate the amount of money required to help them.

In order to enjoy financial freedom, you need a vehicle to get you there. More than any of the other 3 resources, the vehicle MUST play nicely with time. It does you no good to have enough money, but never enough time because you must continually trade time for money.

You will need to find the proper financial vehicle for your life.

Relationships

Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.
– Swedish Proverb

Do you have “go to” people in your life?

You may have plenty of the other three, but without someone to share it with, your tank is empty.

The quality of your personal and spiritual relationships has an enormous impact on your mental and physical health. You also know that deep down, that the most important and emotionally satisfying moments of your life have been shared with others. Creating, developing, and maintaining relationships may be the most important work you do in your entire life.

The relationships you build also has an impact on your career path. Have you heard the saying, “Your network is your net worth”? Whether its a new job, growth in a current job, or building your own business, your network is the chain that leads to success.

Here are a few tips to help you know if you are fostering enough or the proper relationships:

You have someone to share with and others share with you: Good times, complaints, struggles…Do you currently have someone, or some people, with whom you can share your highs and lows?
You truly wish well for another, or others: Whether intimate, platonic, or business, do you find yourself being truly happy for others when they have good news? Or are you truly wishing them good fortune?
You have someone to call if you lost your job, or started a new business: Is there someone, or a group of people that you know could help you professionally?

Building your network will improve your happiness, productivity, career, and net worth to the world. Invest in people.

How Do You Get There?

Here are the resources you need to live your dream life:

Health
Time
Finances
Relationships

One or two without the others will leave you deficient and unfulfilled. Only you can determine how much of each you need, but they are all important on some level.

To get there, your path will include the principles included in the post on How to Be a Pro. It takes awareness, a decision, a plan, commitment, and perseverance.

BUT…it also takes the right vehicle, or vehicles. This vehicle will likely be something that can lead to passive, residual income. Maybe your job is fulfilling, but you don’t have any security, so starting something on the side might be a great idea. Possibly you have a great handle on your health and relationships, but you need something that can help you get the finances and time you want. Or maybe time and money is not your problem, but your health is suffering.

If you are searching…for an opportunity, or a way to “get there”, please reach out to me and I’d be happy to talk. I may be able to point you in the right direction or introduce you to the right person from my network that will change your life.

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January 3, 2018 7 minute read

Your Most Important New Year’s Resolution

Action Activity Mindset

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Your Most Important New Year’s Resolution

Resolutions…love/hate, right? You know you should create some…maybe you already do. You need to be healthier, you want to finally run that marathon, you need to be more organized, you need to save more money, you need to stop looking at Facebook so much…

But which one matters the most? If you set only one goal for the new year, what should it be?

This is an article that makes it very simple. In it I share with you the most important New Year’s resolution that you can set. This is a universal resolution that EVERYONE should make. It doesn’t matter of who you are or what you are trying to achieve.

The most important New Year’s resolution you can set is…

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Don’t Let Fear Win!

That’s it…the MOST important resolution you can make (and keep) this year. Not letting fear win is step 1, 2, and 3 on your journey to make this year the best of your life.

Fear is the great awesomeness sucker. It’s Resitance’s favorite weapon. It’s likely the biggest thing that is holding you back.

Back from what? From being the best version of you…and the best version of you is exactly what this world needs. We need you to share your gifts and talents, because that’s what makes this world a better place. You have it in you, we just need you to let it out!

Your awesome, creative, adventurous life requires the best version of you and it starts where the fear is.

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Resistance is The Great Deceiver

When it comes to fear, Resistance can play you like a fiddle. If you let it, Resistance will convince you that the screaming voice of fear in your head is really just your “better judgment.” You can easily be convinced that the time when you avoided fear were the times that you were making “shrewd decisions.”

But that is a lie.

“Fear dressed up as wisdom provides poor council.”
– Chip Gaines

The truth is, you fear whatever it is, because that’s where the failure (or the success, or the embarrassment, or the spotlight, or…) may lie. Resistance is keeping you at bay with that fear because it knows that your ego wants desperately to avoid failure. Your ego loves to be comfortable and makes up soothing stories to tell yourself about why you should never step outside of your box.

But don’t let it…Here are some tips on not letting fear win, inspired from a book I’m currently reading.

3 Tips on How to Fight The Fear – from Chip Gaines

I’m currently reading Chip Gaines’s book, “Capital Gaines”. Chip and his wife Joanna run the very successful Magnolia brand. This book is full of some outstanding thoughts, rousing experiences, and practical tips on this very topic. Chip is a guy who semi-humbly professes that he hasn’t had much struggle with fear, and I think its because of his outlook.

Here are 3 great takeaways for not letting fear win inspired by Chip’s musings on the subject.

1. Use Fear As Your Guide

What? Yup…I’ve talked about this before. One way to get over fear (or at least not let it win) is to aim directly for it. The very things that cause you the most anxiety may just be the things that will help you grow, make your decisions easier, and help you reach that best version of yourself.

Look it directly in the eye, acknowledge its scary as hell, and go take that sucker down!

2. Leap Before You Look (Sometimes)

Or put another way: Take action! Take the opportunities that come your way.

Nothing ever changes if you don’t take action. Overthinking and overanalyzing will almost ALWAYS allow Resistance to convince you that “better judgement” says no.

From Chip:

“…we don’t always know whether the decisions we make are going to be life altering or not…But if we spend our time on what might go wrong or how we could fail, then we’re likely to talk ourselves out of doing anything, altogether — without even stopping to consider what the cost of saying no might be. Swaddling ourselves up in our security blankets completely restricts our ability to take courageously bold steps.”

You may not even be able to see the real opportunity because sometimes, its not the opportunity in front of you that changes your life directly, its the opportunity that results from that original opportunity. Many, many entrepreneurs stories have this type of story line:

“Well, I started down a path with the initial idea, but then that led to such-and-such, which led to such-and-such, and so-on…and here I am! I would have never made it here if it wasn’t for that initial opportunity.”

3. Do the Hard Things

There aren’t many stories worth telling (and hearing) that are summed up by, “Yup, that was easy!”

Most, if not all, of the important things you do in your life will be difficult at best, but more than likely will have some grueling parts. Some of these parts will be so hard that you’ll think about quitting, and sometimes you will. But when you quit doing the hard things, you’ve lost the battle. Your story most likely ends with “I’m so glad I kept going”.

From Chip:

“I vote instead of fretting about the problems in this world, we all become part of the solutions. This happens through our willingness to make small, brave decision. No one is born a hero. It takes a lifetime of courageous choices to get there. So quit dodging the hard things. When you make the choice to duck left to avoid something scary, you could miss a beautiful opportunity on the right.”

The Most Important New Year’s Resolution

Don’t Let Fear Win!

That’s your resolution, and mantra for the year. It is the most important New Year’s resolution any of us can set. If every day this year, you look fear in the eye, and do it anyway, I guarantee you that you will look back and you will not be the same person. You will have grown immeasurably…you will have moved forward…and its likely that your business and your life will be miles ahead of where you are right now.

I’ll leave you with this, from the famous philosopher Walter White.

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December 11, 2017 6 minute read

How to Fight the Victim Mindset (Updated)

Failure Mindset Success

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How To Fight the Victim Mindset (Updated)

It’s a touchy subject for sure…We interact with people all day who play the part of the victim. Sometimes its overt “poor-me” attitude, and many times its more subtle.

Its one thing to recognize this in others, but its paramount that you recognize it in yourself. Because one thing’s for sure, the victim mindset will ALWAYS hold you back.

Here’s the great news…you can BREAK OUT! You can fight the victim mindset in your own life and start moving forward. In this article, I share with you some great ways to fight the victim mindset.

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Am I Being a Victim?

Playing the part of the victim, blaming “them”, blaming “the system”, or wallowing in self-pity is a very common coping mechanism. Stephen Pressfield puts forth in The Art of War that it’s yet one more way we allow Resistance to win. It so common in fact, that doctors have estimated that between 70 and 80 precent of the patients they see are not actually physical ill.

What is meant by “being a victim”? Quite simply its when you allow yourself to FEEL like a victim.

Here’re some ways to check yourself:

If only I had the money/time/people/<name_your_resource_here>.
I’ve been told that I can’t do that.
If only I felt better
My position/role is <whatever_here>, that’s not my responsibility.
Do you know what <whomever> did to me?
I’m not fast/good/big/fun/outgoing/<name_a_trait_here> enough to do that

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Certainly there are many others as well. But if you are having these thoughts and conversations, then you may be giving in to victimhood.

“Definition of a victim: a person to whom life happens.” ~ Peter McWilliams

Feeling like a victim means that you are feeling like you can’t control your life or your outcome. You feel like the outcome is not dependent upon you, but on forces or circumstance beyond your control.

Why Being a Victim is so Easy

Before we dive into the ways to break the cycle, let’s understand why its such a common coping mechanism. There are actually pseudo-benefits that our mind reaps from allowing ourselves to be the victim:

Victimhood is in alignment with a mind that is looking for reasons to give in to Resistance. You can easily convince yourself that “you can’t” or “you shouldn’t” if you think you have no control over your life. It’s a match made in hell.
You gain attention. Let’s face it, many times other people empathize. This makes you feel better, and reinforces that you are the victim. It is indeed a vicious circle.
You can shirk responsibility. When your mind thinks it can’t control your own situation, then it can’t take on responsibility. Shirking responsibility is a VERY COMMON method people use to deflect criticism and failure. Criticism and failure are 2 of our biggest fears.

These are pseudo-benefits because in fact they are damaging to your ability to move forward. On one level, they rationalize your victimhood, but on the level that matter, they keep you from doing your work.

How to Fight the Victim Mindset and Break Free

Here are some concrete actions you can take to start to fight the victim mindset.

Own it

This is the most critical first step. Ultimately, you taking control of your own mind is what breaks you out. Awareness and acknowledgement is the first step.

Intentional Daily Gratitude

When you focus on the gifts you’ve been given, you start to train your mind properly. Your mind has trouble fitting in all of the “other” stuff if it’s filled with gratitude. Each morning, start your day with a time of gratitude. You have many things for which to be thankful, acknowledge them.

Help Someone Else

Victimhood is mainly a problem of subjectivity and inward focus. If you can properly realign your basis, your mind can start to understand you don’t have as big a problem as you thought. By helping someone else, you connect your subconscious thoughts to the reality that there is a spectrum, and likely you are somewhere in the middle, not the bottom.

Forgive

If your victimhood was set in motion by another person, forgive them. OK, this is a MUCH bigger topic than one line here, but its another process by which you are training your subconscious mind to see the future rather than dwell in the past.

Make a Plan

When you set a real plan in place, you are taking ownership of your mind and life. The act of making that plan is small and critical step on the road to fighting the Resistance. You MUST take control of your own mind.

Take Action on the Plan

If you’ve made the plan, then there is no more wondering what steps to take. If there is no more wondering, then all you have to do is take action and…DO IT!

In Summary

It’s not about what happens to you, but how you react that matters.

Escaping the victim mindset is about acknowledgement, and then taking ownership.

Playing the victim is an easy coping mechanism. We all do it or have done it at some point. But the key to moving forward, to breaking the cycle, to accomplishing the vision for your life is to take ownership of your path. Taking ownership of your path starts with taking ownership of your mindset. When you play the victim, you can’t take that ownership, because its all about what’s happening to you, instead of what you are doing.

This article shared some ways to both determine if victimhood may be a problem you have, as well as some actions you can take to break free:

Own it.
Intentional daily gratitude.
Help someone else.
Forgive.
Make a plan.
Take action on the plan.

Fight the victim mindset, don’t let it win!

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December 6, 2017 6 minute read

A Mindset Shift on Money That Will Transform Your Income

Mindset Success

A Mindset Shift on Money That Will Transform Your Income

(This is a revised update of an earlier post)

Is your view of money secretly the main thing holding you back from achieving your dreams?

Mine was for sure, until I had a mindset shift. The shift was actually a gradual awakening rather than a particular event.

In this article I will share with you that shift, and why it’s made all of the difference. If you have this mindset shift on money, it may just transform your life.

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Money is Bad?

I’ll start with a story about the genesis of my initial view on money.

I was in college, but I honestly don’t remember the exact moment. I do, however, remember the exact sequence of thoughts that led me to my view on money in my younger years. I think this is a normal thought process for us at this age. Regardless if you go to college, or to the military, or simply start working. This is the age at which you start figuring out your thoughts on career, life, and what it all means. I was an engineering student and wrestling with figuring out “what I want to be when I grow up”.

I remember pretty vividly arriving at the following thought sequence (Full disclosure here: I am a Christian and my worldview and moral compass are firmly shaped by that position):

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There is a finite amount of money in the world
The only way to get MORE for YOURSELF is to TAKE it from SOMEBODY ELSE
I don’t have the right to TAKE anything from ANYBODY else, especially money
More money is BAD

So…money is bad…that’s where I started out.

More Money is Good?

But here’s the thing, over the 25 years of my life since then, I’ve seen many people who have had the financial resources to:

Make a difference as a significant donor and/or investor
Live life as they choose in a moral way
NOT be destroyed by it

So…more money can be good? Hmmm…

The Mindset Shift On Money

Since my initial thoughts were formed those many years ago, I’ve been trying to coalesce the two seemingly incongruous concepts. BUT I think I’ve figured it out, and I see that my initial view was so simplistic, and not accurate.

The shift in my mindset was this: MONEY is simply a physical, tradable RESOURCE that is a representation of VALUE.

And guess what: VALUE is INFINITE!

Why is VALUE INFINITE?

Because there is literally no end to the amount of value that can be provided.

Some Things that Have Value

Physical things like natural resources and man-made products. I guess that you could argue that there is a finite limit to physical items (maybe, but I’m not convinced…at least not a practical limit), and therefore, the value is finite as well.

But…

How about knowledge and the teaching of that knowledge? What is the value of that? It is INFINITE! There is literally an infinite amount of knowledge to be gained as well as the teaching of that knowledge.
What about creative endeavors like stories, poetry, music, painting, etc? Also INFINITE, with infinite collective value.
How about software? Also INFINITE. There is literally no end to the amount of software that can be developed.
What about your health? To you, the value of your health is INFINITE!

The Empowering Part of the Mindset Shift

When you provide real value, you will likely receive some sort of compensation in exchange. One form of that compensation is money. There are other forms, of course, but money is certainly a popular one. If someone has received value, and is providing compensation, they are providing it FREELY. They are GIVING it.

They are GIVING, and you are RECEIVING.

Change your mindset from TAKE or GET MONEY to providing VALUE and RECEIVING commensurate COMPENSATION.

This approach opens the world to you.

Money is just one of the resources you need in your quest to achieve your goals. Depending upon your goals, you may need more or less money. Just like you may need more wood and nails to build a deck. Your goal isn’t more wood, your goal is the deck. Same with money. Set your sites on the vision, and view money as just one of the required resources.

Here’s an outstanding side effect of this mindset: It fosters the GIVING and RECEIVING cycle in the world!

Most people who view money and other resources as something they have RECEIVED, are the very ones who are happy to be GIVERS in exchange for value! We’re constantly trying to “break the cycles” in today’s world, but here is one that we should be actively trying to foster and encourage. And it’s a natural side effect of this mindset.

Conclusion

The mindset shift on money that will transform your life is that money is just a resource that is compensation for value. And there is INFINITE value in the universe. Infinite value that you can provide…and when you provide value, compensation follows.

This mindset shift on money pushes you to have the abundance mindset. An abundance mindset is what will ultimately empower you and transform your life and income.

It’s ok to be compensated for providing value. And is ok to be well compensated.

So go on a mission to provide value, and freely receive compensation.

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They Sell Comfort

The Younger Me and a Life of Comfort

Discomfort is Stress

The Evil Kind of Stress

The Useful Kind of Stress

The Comfort Zone’s Effect

A Few Monuments Along the Path

Practicing Discomfort

Beginner Exercises

Beginning to Move Forward

Force You to Grow Exercises

Summary

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The Itinerary

The First Leg

The Layover

DL-M Takes Control

The Ugh Moment

The Growth Moment

The Final Leg

The Work That Has Been Done

From Hereon

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50+ Things I Got Right

Summary

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Take More Risks

Stop Playing By Their Rules

Get Around the Right People

Don’t Follow Your Passion, But Always Bring It With you

Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Perfection is Your Enemy

Tell Yourself the Right Story

Why So Serious?

Embrace the Grey

In Summary: Choose Yourself

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How to actually make Someday a Reality

Someday Never Comes

Make Someday a Reality

How to Take The First Step

1. Put it on the calendar and make a plan

2. Get around the right people

3. Focus on what’s changed in your mind

Other Resources

In Summary

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Happier, Healthier, and More Productive by Quitting…

Quitting To Win

Quit These 4 Things

1. Allowing Others to Control Your Time

2. Trying to Please Everyone

3. Comparing Yourself To Others

4. Putting Others on a Pedestal

In Summary

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The 4 Resources You Need to Live Your Dream Life

The 4 Resources

Health

Time

Finances

Relationships

How Do You Get There?

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Your Most Important New Year’s Resolution

Don’t Let Fear Win!

Resistance is The Great Deceiver

3 Tips on How to Fight The Fear – from Chip Gaines

1. Use Fear As Your Guide

2. Leap Before You Look (Sometimes)

3. Do the Hard Things

The Most Important New Year’s Resolution

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