johnmaconline

“It’s better to be in the arena, getting stomped by the bull, than to be up in the stands or out in the parking lot.”

– Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

The parking lot is for the tailgaters. They’re only there for the party. They’re not even watching. They have nothing to lose and nothing to gain. 

“What happened? Why did he do that? That’s interesting. More beer, please.”

The stands are for spectators. They’re only there for entertainment. They may care about the outcome, but they can’t affect it. They’re probably hoping you get stomped. 

“No! Yes! Go that way! Run!”

The arena is for you. 

That’s where anything and everything happens. The outcome is uncertain. You matter. The bull matters. The risk is high. The reward is high. People are probably rooting for you to get stomped. 

Get in the arena. 

The people in the arena matter. The tailgaters and spectators don’t.

From where you stand makes all the difference.

You can’t see home plate from behind the stanchion.
You can’t see the Aurora Borealis from the city.
You can’t see the Great Wall from Toledo.

You may like where you stand. It’s probably comfortable. It makes sense to you. You understand it. You may have spent a lifetime cultivating that space and the view it provides. You’re standing there on purpose.

But sometimes, you should go stand somewhere else and take a look around. If even just for a few minutes.

The world’s a big place, and it has many spectacular, interesting, and perspective-altering views.

The first jetliner, the de Havilland Comet, was originally built with square windows. A simple aesthetic choice. 

Then, in 1954, two Comets disintegrated midair within a couple of months of each other. They crashed because of the square windows. A subtle yet critical engineering design flaw, the square windows caused unusual and unaccounted-for stress on the airframe. 

Initially, though, nobody thought about the square windows as the cause of the metal fatigue. Because, well, let’s face it — the window shape? That’s crazy. The fuselage disintegrated. What’s the difference between a square window and a window with rounded corners? How could that simple aesthetic choice be the root cause of a mechanical failure?

It’s such a little and seemingly unrelated thing.

Sometimes, however, that little thing that might not seem like a big deal, or you don’t want to believe is a big deal, ends up being the cause — the cause of your failure, your feeling bad, your mediocrity, your lack of progress, or your inability to get where you want to go. 

What are the square windows in your life?

It’s time to get rid of them.

Today, I turn 55. 

One could make a plausible (although far-fetched and dubious) argument that 100 is attainable. Therefore, 50 is the middle. One cannot make that argument about 110.

The point is we’re definitely on the backend. 

What’s the wisdom? What’s the lesson? What’s the path forward?

I’m focusing on keeping “I am’s” and “I will be’s” list long and inspirational.

We usually say, “Don’t shoot the messenger.”

That’s a shield. What we usually mean by that is:

“I’m afraid of blame.”
“It’s not my responsibility.”
“It’s not my message.”

But if we care enough, we realize that even though we might not resonate with the content of the message, if we’re delivering it, it’s our message.

The message matters. The messenger matters.

Well, introverts, you did it. But there’s one last thing you need to do.

When you get home, or first thing the next day, send everyone you met a message. It’s a very simple message:

“Hi _, it was nice to meet you tonight. Hope you have a great rest of the week.”

That can be it. Literally.

However, if you had talked about something specific, you mention it here. Or, if you had talked about getting together in the future, or about providing information, or answering a question, etc, mention it here.

“Hi Bob, it was nice to meet you tonight. Hope you have a great rest of the week. I promised to send you that article I found about the security leak, so here it is. I’d love to get your perspective on how you would handle it. Could we have a call next week?”

Just keeping conversations going. That’s all you’re doing.

You can do this networking thing. It’s daunting, yes. It’s easy to convince yourself it’s not important. It’s easy to convince yourself it’s dumb. It’s easy to convince yourself there are better ways to spend your time.

But deep down, you know better. Also, you can do it.

Don’t wait till the end to leave.

That’s right, introvert, now you can leave (thankfully). You can stop the pain. 

But…

You have one very important task on the way out — say “Goodbye” to each person you met tonight. That means walking around and seeking them out. 

Seeking people out to say “Goodbye” cements the connection you made. Plus — here’s the real benefit — it gives you a great opportunity to meet people casually on the way out.

Do this:

• Be moving. Yes, actually walking, and then pause at the group.
• Catch some eye contact and break into the conversation to say, “Goodbye.” You don’t need to wait until a comfortable moment (like earlier in the event). Just a slight pause. It’s not (that) weird to be interrupted when someone is saying goodbye. 
• “Just wanted to say Goodbye and that it was nice meeting you. Have a great night.”

Don’t do this:

• Don’t pause outside the group for any longer than a few seconds. If you can’t make it happen in that time, find the next person.
• Don’t get into more conversation than “Goodbye” unless… (see below).
• Don’t say anything like, “Finally, I get to leave” or give any reasons as to why you’re leaving.

You’re hoping for two things:

1. The other people in the conversation (these will be the extroverts, and that’s OK) will quickly introduce themselves to you. If so, you can decide if you want more conversation.
2. The person you’re saying “Goodbye” to wants to engage some more before you take off. 

You’re standing on a good run of the power ladder in each of these situations because you get to decide whether you want to keep talking. 

Then get the heck out of there.

Stay tuned for the final installment…

Now it’s time to throw your fellow introverts a bone.

Once you’re in a conversation, inevitably, someone else will look to break in. Although every ounce of your being wants to reject this (rude, focus, etc), this is your time to shine. Always invite them in. It doesn’t matter how. Even mid-sentence with your current conversee.

When you do the inviting, you keep the power and energy. Plus, you’ve helped out a fellow introvert.

You can do this all night. With this strategy, you might not have to start another conversation.

Stay tuned for the last installment…