johnmaconline

Continuing the conversation with my younger self…

Current Me: Hey, you’re gonna struggle with something that will absolutely keep you stuck in neutral and pile up the regrets.

Young Me: Really?

Current Me: Yup. You’re gonna find excuses not to start some things and, ironically, not finish other things. In fact, you’ll have more trouble finishing than starting. And you’re gonna do it a lot.

Young Me: What do you mean?

Current Me: Well, you’ll have this terrible feeling that whatever you are doing isn’t good enough. This will infiltrate your entire life. And you’ll sight your lack of external success as proof that it’s true. I’m even doing it now as I write this.

Young Me: Will I be afraid to fail or make mistakes?

Current Me: Not exactly. You’ll understand that failure is a necessary path to success, and you’ll get better at that over time.

Young Me: Then what will be the problem?

Current Me: You’ll think that whatever you’re doing isn’t good enough. Which will actually be, “I’m not good enough.”

Young Me: Can I fix it? Can I stop it somehow?

Current Me: Say “yes” to more. Put yourself out there. Finish it anyway. Get around people who are doing it. Don’t give in to those feelings.

And most importantly, embrace the journey, not the endpoint.

Continuing the conversation with my younger self…

The younger me saw it all as black and white, or maybe he wanted it to all be black and white. 

Put perfectly by Brene Brown:

“I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few.”

– Brene Brown

The younger me was wrong.  

This binary thinking was my shield, as I sought to align myself with the “smart people” while dismissing the others. But this rigid mindset was draining, limiting my emotional growth, and constricting my perspective — and just plain wrong.

The revelation came when I recognized that the smart people exist on all sides of an issue: Theism and Atheism, Liberal and Conservative, Vegan and Paleo, Chocolate and Vanilla. This realization allowed me to see that there might not always be an objective right and wrong.

It’s grey. 

Embracing the grey means engaging in conversation, exchanging ideas, and respecting diverse viewpoints. In this space, perspectives are formed, changes are made, and love deepens.

The grey is where art and authenticity reside. It’s the path to connecting with the whole and realizing one’s unique perspective. The grey challenges us to be more open, flexible, and understanding. 

Open your eyes and embrace the grey.

Continuing my discussion with my younger self…

I’ve recently watched the Arnold documentary and listened to Dice Clay on a Joe Rogan podcast. Regardless of personal feelings about them, they are shining examples of one important thing I’d tell my younger self:

You are who you tell yourself you are.

That guy looking back at my 20-year-old self in the mirror had no idea how much power he had and how manipulating he could be (or maybe he did?). 

You can’t do that.
You’re not good enough.
You aren’t smart enough.
Nobody cares what you say.

I told myself this story every day. Over and over again. 

It’s true that not everybody will like you, think you are pretty, resonate with your message, or think your idea is good. Your audience is not everybody. 

You will have to get better, do the work, and continue to improve. And you will have to find your voice and let it out. But who do you want to be? Keep telling yourself that’s who you are.

Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. Make sure that person is telling you the right story.

Continuing my discussion with the younger me…

Keep my head down, play by the rules, avoid scary, stay in the framework, never get in trouble, and all will turn out dreamy. If it felt scary or I wasn’t comfortable, the younger me believed it wasn’t for me. Little did I know then that those were the very things that I should have been pursuing.

With clairvoyant hindsight, I can recognize the growth monuments along my path. Without fail, each time I grew, made progress, or ended up better, it was because I stepped out or was forced out of my comfort zone. 

I can also look back and regret the opportunities missed or not taken. 

No matter how much you fight to stay in that zone, however, it’s not always your choice. Whether you want to or not, there will be times when you get shoved outside of your comfort zone. How will you deal with it? 

You’re going to get laid off.
Your family will have a crisis.
Somebody close to you will hurt you.
You will have to give the presentation.
You will have an existential crisis of faith.

These things are coming. You can count on it. With a mindset that recognizes opportunities, not only can you deal with them, but you can grow through them. 

The more you live with sweaty palms, weak knees, and the tension of discomfort, the better equipped you will be to handle them.

Expose yourself to emotional danger.

Getting older is a funny thing.

Time speeds up. The black and white of my youth fades to grey. The weave of certainty unravels. The future compresses from limitless possibilities to a subset of realities.

The current me looks back on the previous me and wonders. What would I tell him?

I’d tell him to take more risks.

The risk of failing.
The risk of losing.
The risk of rejection.
The risk of looking stupid.
The risk of getting laughed at.
The risk of not being good at it.
The risk of what they’re going to think.
The risk of making the wrong the decision.
The risk of someone else getting upset at you.
The risk of looking like you made the wrong decision.
The risk of letting someone know how you really feel.

In hindsight, I can see now how fear ruled over me. Fear of what? All those things listed above. That was an easy list to write. I could keep going.

When my kids drive off, I always tell them in jest, “Drive fast and take chances!” I don’t mean it literally, and they know that. But it’s just a little out-of-context reminder that they will have to take some risks.

There is no reward without risk. Life is worth the risk.

We swim around inside a foamy sea of multitasking.

We ride the waves, juggling tasks, hoping to crest the wave of productivity. However, beneath the surface, the undertow of inefficiency and stress pulls us deeper into the tumultuous waters. The industrial machine demanding ever more.

Maybe the solution isn’t more gadgets, apps, or AI.

Maybe the solution is leaning into our humanity. The deep focus of one thing at a time.

One task, one wave at a time. That’s how we navigate this sea. That’s how we find our way back to the shore. Because our humanity isn’t built to frolic in the foamy sea of multitasking but to walk firmly on the ground of focused purpose.

Focusing on the work that matters.

Read a great article from Luke Burgis about AI and Effective Altruism.

I have also mused about this topic in the past. 

Rest assured that you don’t have to be a foot soldier in the Effective Altruism (EA) movement to be doing work that matters. Because EA — the formal movement — rejects what really matters about altruism — the human heart. Truly effective altruism defies objective metrics, as does work that matters. 

Each revels in investment, purpose, and empathy. In the realm of significant work and altruism, it’s not the calculated strategy that triumphs. It’s the emotionally charged, human-led endeavor. It’s not the cold data, but the warm, resonating human touch that truly makes a difference.

It’s about our individual and collective human capacity to help others. It’s personal, subjective, and emotionally driven. Truly effective altruism and work that matters invite us to bring our full, authentic selves to the table. To embrace our emotions, harness our passions, and contribute to a cause greater than ourselves — whether that cause is an outward facing mission, inward on the team, or simply within the confines of one’s family and friends. It’s not about fitting into a predetermined box, nor adhering to computed numbers, but about celebrating our humanity, making a difference, and adding value where we can. 

This is the essence of work that matters and true effective altruism.

At first, it may seem as if work that matters is outward facing and possibly even objective.

We can all agree that some work matters objectively, right? When asked, you might say something like teaching, medicine, social work, policing, green energy, defense/military, politics, farming, truck driving, DEI, or firefighting. 

Ah, but that’s the rub, isn’t it? You probably found some work in that list that you agree matters and some that you don’t. 

Because work that matters isn’t objective, nor does it have to be outward facing. Any work can be work that matters.

It’s all about what you bring with you to the work.

As a leader, your role isn’t just to guide and direct. It’s also to connect. To empathize. To understand each team member’s ‘why’. What drives them? What motivates them? What do they value? Why does their work matter to them?

In the new work paradigm, a leader doesn’t impose meaning. You unearth it. You create an environment where everyone can see their own work as work that matters.

Right out of college, I thought I had found the perfect career path. 

I started my career at a large defense contractor (GE Astrospace — which became Martin Marietta and then Lockheed Martin while I sat at the same desk, doing the same thing). As a space nerd, I certainly was excited about working on space-y things.

I worked in the Survivability group. We ensured that the satellite would work within the naturally occurring and man-made radiation and electromagnetic environments of space — including nuclear weapons threats. 

Queue the Oppenheimer movie trailer. 

On paper, and before I knew anything about engineering work, I thought this was a dream job. Like Oppenheimer movie cool. But reality turned out differently, at least for me.

The projects were too large. The bureaucracy was stifling. The time frames were too long. The tasks were too myopic. The office politics were overbearing. The workday framework was like kindergarten. 

After a while, I really did hate it.

But also, I learned a lot. In fact, I know that place helped me get where I am today. I learned how to conduct myself. I learned how to be a professional. I learned that the more you give and help, the more valuable you become. 

Any new opportunity may or may not be what you thought it was going to be. You may end up hating it. But there’s always something valuable to be taken away.

Never miss the nuggets. 

Work-life balance. A buzzword of the past. An antique in the new work paradigm.

In the old paradigm, balance was a scale. Work on one side. Life on the other — a juggling act. A struggle to keep both sides level.

But that was yesterday.

Welcome to today. To integration. To harmony. Work and life intertwine. They coexist. Work-life balance becomes work-life integration.

Work isn’t a place anymore. It’s an activity. Life isn’t a break anymore. It’s intertwined.

You’re not two people. One at work. One at home. You’re you. Everywhere. Always.

And you are the person we all need.